What happens when chatty Mercury and blowsy Jupiter retrograde? Even a faint whisper or a mere musing can accelerate into a fierce windstorm. Are you usually considered a blowhard? Well just wait... .
ARIES ( MARCH 21 - APRIL 20 ) Proud Rams may be hot to trot but don't go to a gallop just yet. Your forward hoof gets caught in the nookie jar. Spontaneous lusty conquests combust and have their lingering aches. Is it your back... or your heart?
TAURUS ( APRIL 21 - MAY 21 ) Idle chit chat with compadres winds up being leaked to the general public. Innocuous complaints about relationships manage to get back to the source. Don't try to explain yourself, queer Bull. Just lie back and only think happy, happy thoughts this week.
GEMINI ( MAY 22 - JUNE 21 ) Content yourself with back office busy work. Your Machiavellian machinations are revealed to the powers-that-be and your gripes won't rally the masses in the cubicles either. Tone down the rhetoric if you want to be among the powers-that-will-be.
CANCER ( JUNE 22 - JULY 23 ) Mercury and Jupiter retrograde and conspire to make any merry jaunt a taxing trudge. All is not lost. Pink Crabs enjoy their comfortable familiar surroundings anyway. So why not get your itchy claws scratched closer to home? Anyone we know... ?
LEO ( JULY 24 - AUG. 23 ) Proud Lions on the prowl can captivate any stray heart. But what will you do once you get it? Choose your prey carefully and go for quality rather than quantity. Your eyes become too big for your stomach... or something along those lines.
VIRGO ( AUG. 24 - SEPT. 23 ) You think you are being debonair but snarky comments won't enhance you in the eyes of a certain special someone. Say what you mean and mean what you say. But if at all possible let your actions speak louder and prouder than your words, queer Virgin.
LIBRA ( SEPT. 24 - OCT. 23 ) Hold off on any inflammatory office remarks this week. Even emails should be screened for screed. Co-workers may be in a funky mood, but that doesn't mean that you should bite to their bark. Why not take a very long lunch, gay Libra?
SCORPIO ( OCT. 24 - NOV. 22 ) Your public face may have too much of a close up this week as both Mercury and Jupiter retrograde. Every hairy mole is magnified. Proud Scorps boogie down while wearing lampshade hats. Let's hope no one is packing a camera.
SAGITTARIUS ( NOV. 23 - DEC. 22 ) There may be festering issues with family that cry out to be discussed and dissected. Gay Archers manage to hit a sore spot, and not just once. Purposely? Possibly. To what end? You may find that sugar gets you further than spice. At least with relatives... .
CAPRICORN ( DEC. 23 - JAN. 20 ) Innocent chatter can set the group off on a high emotional tear. It may start off as being so innocuous that its ultimate enormity surprises and defies logic. Moral of the story? Don't get involved in gossip, pink Cap. Well, at least this week.
AQUARIUS ( JAN. 21 - FEB. 19 ) Counting your money in public is so declasse that it is silly to point it out to you as a no-no. Aqueerians are giddy about the largeness of their largess. Yet the soft and subtle approach gets you further than the big splash... especially with the big fish.
PISCES ( FEB. 20 - MARCH 20 ) Stick with the tried and true rather than swimming in new social pools, Guppie. First impressions are lasting impressions and Mercury and Jupiter make you... ahem... memorable. There may be the opportunity to laugh about it next week. Or maybe not.
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