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hey, i'm still that guy!
by Kirk Williamson, Nightspots Editor

This article shared 4093 times since Wed Jun 20, 2007
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1 The triplets reunite at Cell Block. pix by Brian 2 Chillin' with Cyn at Circuit. pix by Alison 3 Keeping a breast of the situation with Caitlin at Jackhammer. pix by Hal


Near as I can figure, the genesis of my homosexuality can be linked to my bathtub hard-ons as a small boy. Guys, you remember that phenomenon: your little one-inch cock would get all hard as a rock after a good soak. Sometimes it might stay like that for up to 20 minutes. At the time, I had no idea what it meant or even that the penis could be used for anything but pissing. But I do remember one fact: I was always trying to get my mouth on it. It wasn't for another three or four years that I realized the penis had anything to with sex ( the story of my first cum shot is another column altogether ) .

After repeated failed attempts to get my lips around the little sucker, I must have figured, being the logical fellow that I am, that if I could get other boys to stick their dicks in my mouth, then I could gladly return the favor. And voila, another homo butterfly emerges from his cocoon.

Imagine my shock when I realized that all of this dick-rubbing while envisioning the cocks of all my classmates lodged in my throat was what sex was! I had always been told that sex was a thing that a man and a woman did to make a baby. That was it. Having surmised that squirting my dick into another boy's mouth could never achieve such a feat, I was stunned. Coming from a repressive Catholic upbringing, this realization was the beginning of many years of dread and self-hatred as I realized that I was ONE?OF?THEM and that, through no effort or option on my part, I was bound for the fiery furnace.

I tried to stop. I would think about boys while jerking off and, at the crucial moment, swap in some image of some unassumingly mild female classmate in order to reprogram my orgasmic response. I would feign crushes on obscure females I assumed were sexy; I once convinced my sisters that I was secretly in love with Joanna Kerns, the mom from Growing Pains. But the fa├žade was crumbling. The truth had to come out.

The year after my senior year of high school ( I took a year off before college ) I had a poster of Jason Priestly on my bedroom wall and carried a keychain that actually said, 'I?LIKE BOYS.' I played it all off as a hilarious joke. But I was sick to death of joking myself out of the happiness I knew I wanted and deserved.

After a particularly eye-opening weekend visiting my friend Cathy at UIC, and staying with her two lesbian friends Jen and Andrea, I knew that the time was right ( or as right as I could possibly hope for ) to throw open the closet door and begin to live my life as myself. Before leaving for work one afternoon in November 1992, I composed a very concise letter ( Just so you know, I'm gay. I'll be home at 8 ) and left it in an envelope on the piano in our living room. Driving to work that day, I knew my life had changed indelibly.

And I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world.

Happy Pride!

This article shared 4093 times since Wed Jun 20, 2007
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