This Bear Likes 'Em Black from Grey Rose Prod.
Pubert recruits daredevil Colon Farehole out of the phone booth and into the porn booth to get help with his adult minority report. This S.W.A.T. team will stop bad movies in their tracks and promise a new world through their commentary. So grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
'Men come in all shapes and sizes.'
Colon: I would pick it up for the name alone.
Pubert: This is hilarious.
Driving around suburbia with a bear on the prowl is where we begin.
P: A missing gas cap on that nice BMW…
C: He is looking for parking like I did in your neighborhood today.
The bear goes back to his cave ( home ) and entertains himself watching a video.
P: He is reviewing porn like us.
C: Reviewing black porn with weird sound effects.
P: I think the devil is speaking tongues. Halloween is over right?
C: This is like a make-your-own-prom video from high school with lettering.
P: Yes, very amateur.
C: His name is Austin Black, but he is white.
P: I like the irony. Is that a sling from Steamworks?
C: The music is scary. Tribal-rhythm.com does music.
P: But, I don't hear any bongos.
C: Apparently, he has a basement.
P: I think this is just his fantasy coming to life.
C: Imagining himself in the video, I am guessing.
P: He set his goals high with seven people in this scene? Dream a little dream…
C: The lighting is bad; is that a lamp from Ikea?
P: The filming is fuzzy. The black guys looks like bears too, judging from that hairy back.
C: They are black bears.
P: This is a first-time film student production.
C: They are no far away shots.
P: Yeah, all torso. So close I can see their pores.
C: Is the grunting from the music or the scene?
P: Overlapping shots.
C: Now we are down to one person; where did everyone else go?
P: And they're back!
C: I guess they needed a quick smoke break. Hey, there is one random white guy.
P: Is he the fluffer?
C: What are we focusing on?
P: They are just focusing on his chest, where is the action, baby! He has a Prince tattoo. Happy birthday Kirk!
C: The music does not go with his grunting. It has cheesy horns, like Super Mario Brothers.
P: I wont be running out to buy the soundtrack anytime soon. Now they are trying different camera and video tricks like split screen.
C: That one guy has bullet wound scars.
P: Nice. The bear is rubbing his stomach. Maybe he is getting hungry.
C: Oh, even the money shot is bad.
P: And a bad ending to boot. I thought they would go back to the guy watching the video.
C: This video dropped the ball. The video was only one scene.
P: For such a fun name for a video, this video is not fun.
C: This reviewer likes 'em better!
Pubert: Thumbs way down the throat.
Colon: Thumbs way down the throat.
If you like 'em bad go to www.GreyRoseProductions.com
If you like 'em reviewed go to www.windycitymediagroup.com and type 'Pubert.'