from Adonis Pictures
Pubert schools 'apt pupil' Stephen Kink about the 'dark half' of movies. These 'firestarters' work the 'graveyard shift' to go the extra 'green mile' and give 'IT' a thumbs up or down. So 'stand by me,' grab your popcorn, your dog 'Cujo' and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: They have guitars on the front cover.
Stephen: I think they're going to break into do-re-mi.
P: Let's start at the very beginning...
The music blasts out! Opening credits focus on a man's chest being groped.
P: My neighbors are saying, 'What is going on in this House of Pancakes?'
S: He is pinching his nips.
P: What does that have to do with the great outdoors? Dante Foxx, I luv him.
S: Of course you do.
P: I wonder if those are Dante's nipples?
The set consists of a tent in a backyard with couples visiting a camp.
S: Is that Herman Munster?
Quote of the movie, 'I told you no more Dr. Phil!'
P: What was that? A cuckoo bird?
S: The loons, the loons.
P: On Golden Blonde.
S: Very disjointed video.
P: Maybe it is going to come together like a Robert Altman movie.
S: Everyone has such bitchy boyfriends in this flick.
P: Gay men don't rent porn to work through issues.
S: Well, some do. This is a relationship retreat.
P: Has a bad bottle job of red hair: Amber Sunrise.
S: Stop, Orange Boy. Put your tongue back in.
P: He is crazy.
S: We're in the Twilight Zone.
P: He thinks 'tongue out' means horny.
S: Maybe if you are Woody Woodpecker
[ Rolling on the couch laughing ]
P: This is brilliant. This is what Snakes on a Plane wants to be.
S: I am tired of these motherfucking loons on a motherfucking campground!
P: The bird keeps whooping it up. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!
S: I like the pasty white hairy boys.
P: I think the loons are getting ideas and having sex.
S: Are they in the San Diego Zoo?
P: In the birdhouse maybe.
S: Drinking game for this movie: Take a shot when you hear a loon! You will get fucked up and fucked.
P: The camp counselor is not helping.
S: They are so white. I hope the have SPF on because they are gonna get burned.
P: The counselor just said, 'now start rimming' while he watches.
S: This is nuts.
P: I think the loon is in heat.
S: If I were the director I would want to see that bird on a plate!
P: It is so distracting, but funny.
The counselor is playing guitar for the campers.
S: Is this Heidi Klum's brother? Why is he talking like that?
P: 'In camp one day, the next day you are out!'
S: He just said, 'Stimulate your partner's manhood.' Can you believe it?
P: What's wrong with him? He needs some more counseling.
In between the scenes, there is a peaceful babbling brook. All the happy campers relax on their cartoon bear sheets in the middle of the grassy knoll.
P: It's turning into Camp Orgy.
S: Are they paying for this camp?
P: Justify My Love sounding music.
S: Uh oh, they are switching partners. Will this make their relationship better?
P: Come on, little squirt. He is short.
P: There are so many campers that want to cum. It's taking forever.
S: He just said, 'My love circle's about to close.'
P: How many times have you said you that in a bar? It's four a.m. and my love circle's about to close!
S: Better get in quick. Let's go!
P: Maybe the funniest video of the year!
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.
Kink: Thumbs down the throat.
For camp factor, up the butt!
Need counseling or just lust? Go to www.adonispictures.com
Stay tuned next week for another loony review!