Lust Counseling
from Adonis Pictures
Pubert schools 'apt pupil' Stephen Kink about the 'dark half' of movies. These 'firestarters' work the 'graveyard shift' to go the extra 'green mile' and give 'IT' a thumbs up or down. So 'stand by me,' grab your popcorn, your dog 'Cujo' and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: They have guitars on the front cover.
Stephen: I think they're going to break into do-re-mi.
P: Let's start at the very beginning...
The music blasts out! Opening credits focus on a man's chest being groped.
P: My neighbors are saying, 'What is going on in this House of Pancakes?'
S: He is pinching his nips.
P: What does that have to do with the great outdoors? Dante Foxx, I luv him.
S: Of course you do.
P: I wonder if those are Dante's nipples?
The set consists of a tent in a backyard with couples visiting a camp.
S: Is that Herman Munster?
Quote of the movie, 'I told you no more Dr. Phil!'
P: What was that? A cuckoo bird?
S: The loons, the loons.
P: On Golden Blonde.
S: Very disjointed video.
P: Maybe it is going to come together like a Robert Altman movie.
S: Everyone has such bitchy boyfriends in this flick.
P: Gay men don't rent porn to work through issues.
S: Well, some do. This is a relationship retreat.
P: Has a bad bottle job of red hair: Amber Sunrise.
S: Stop, Orange Boy. Put your tongue back in.
P: He is crazy.
S: We're in the Twilight Zone.
P: He thinks 'tongue out' means horny.
S: Maybe if you are Woody Woodpecker
[ Rolling on the couch laughing ]
P: This is brilliant. This is what Snakes on a Plane wants to be.
S: I am tired of these motherfucking loons on a motherfucking campground!
P: The bird keeps whooping it up. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!
S: I like the pasty white hairy boys.
P: I think the loons are getting ideas and having sex.
S: Are they in the San Diego Zoo?
P: In the birdhouse maybe.
S: Drinking game for this movie: Take a shot when you hear a loon! You will get fucked up and fucked.
P: The camp counselor is not helping.
S: They are so white. I hope the have SPF on because they are gonna get burned.
P: The counselor just said, 'now start rimming' while he watches.
S: This is nuts.
P: I think the loon is in heat.
S: If I were the director I would want to see that bird on a plate!
P: It is so distracting, but funny.
with
randy
pubert
The counselor is playing guitar for the campers.
S: Is this Heidi Klum's brother? Why is he talking like that?
P: 'In camp one day, the next day you are out!'
S: He just said, 'Stimulate your partner's manhood.' Can you believe it?
P: What's wrong with him? He needs some more counseling.
In between the scenes, there is a peaceful babbling brook. All the happy campers relax on their cartoon bear sheets in the middle of the grassy knoll.
P: It's turning into Camp Orgy.
S: Are they paying for this camp?
P: Justify My Love sounding music.
S: Uh oh, they are switching partners. Will this make their relationship better?
P: Come on, little squirt. He is short.
S: Half-pint.
P: There are so many campers that want to cum. It's taking forever.
S: He just said, 'My love circle's about to close.'
P: How many times have you said you that in a bar? It's four a.m. and my love circle's about to close!
S: Better get in quick. Let's go!
P: Maybe the funniest video of the year!
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.
Kink: Thumbs down the throat.
For camp factor, up the butt!
Need counseling or just lust? Go to www.adonispictures.com
Stay tuned next week for another loony review!
