by Tribal Pulse
Randy Pubert teams up with Porno Pete for the new zoo review. P and P promise to not party and play too much but to give you the low down on what to buy or rent.
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: 'Frosted Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!'
Porno Pete: Cute guys on the front cover.
Pu: Lots of info on the back and cums subtitled in 4 languages.
Our charming adventure begins with a trip to the outdoor market. A hottie shops for a lucky necklace. He meets a cute local and goes back to his place.
Pu: Is that Bonanza music?
PP: Sounds like Kill Bill playing in the background. So, whoever wears the magic lucky charm necklace gets instant sex.
Pu: The plot is revealed in two seconds and stretched over the entire movie. No talking—good thing we have subtitles. I'm being sarcastic.
PP: I only wear my lucky charms to bed.
Pu: That one is young. He still has acne.
PP: So young and hung.
We follow up that scene with one of the guys dropping the charm on the ground and a new lucky boy finding it. This leads to another bedroom encounter.
PP: Did a baby throw up on his shirt?
Pu: No, it's the European style. He has more hair on his chest than on his head.
PP: They must not get hard unless they wear the charm.
Pu: It's a Viagra necklace! Check out the sweaty butt.
PP: The music is from the David Hasselhoff collection.
Pu: The cameraman must be in the bed with them.
PP: Yeah, the screen is shaking from him trying to hold on!
Pu: They're going to break the bed!
Jump to a three-way in a hotel. One of them ties on the necklace and the fun begins...
Pu: That one guy is H.O.T. This three-way is getting heated.
PP: Is that a tattoo or a skin disease?
Pu: He has a tattoo of a scorpion on his dick.
PP: Oh my god, they're being mean to the ugly one and ignoring him!
Pu: They're slapping him around with their penises.
PP: It's like the monkey in the middle. He has the best seat in the house.
This frosted lucky finale ends when a young buck tries on the necklace after finding it discarded in the bathroom.
PP: He has the Madonna gap in his teeth.
Pu: One of them is possessed by the necklace and rips off the other one's underwear!
PP: Now he's getting plowed on the toilet. He's wearing the lucky charm backwards. I wonder what that does?
Pu: He needs a booster chair to fuck the other one. He's too short.
Close up on the charm as we fade to credits.
Pu: This video had some cute guys in it but they all looked like they are from the land of Hispaniola. Maybe I'll find a lucky charm like that when I'm down in Mexico this week.
PP: Good luck. Yes, there is definitely not a lick of Irish in this video.
Pu: The models were so skinny they could stand to eat some cereal. If you are looking to get charmed by a Latino, pick this up. The music and quality were low, so look for this video in an after-Christmas bargain bin.
Randy Pubert: Marginal Thumbs Down the Throat
Porno Pete: Thumbs Down the Throat