with dicksel & pubert
Hot Cops 3:
The Final Assault
from Centaur Films
To try something different, I've enlisted my friend Yvona Humpalot to get a lesbian's take on gay porn. Pubert and Yvona promise to keep you PH balanced. Grab your popcorn, your dildo and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn by Its Cover
Pubert: 'Two hours of hardcore action!' Who has that kind of time?
Humpalot: I can't watch this until I have seen parts 1 and 2!
P: Well, I already reviewed Hot Cops 4 back in April. Check out our archives online, pornophiles. Some of these porn stars are retired now.
Our two hour adventure begins with two of porno's finest investigating a domestic dispute.
P: How old is that cop car?
H: 'That's a 10-4, 7-14' official police business. Those are bad couch covers in the suspect's house.
P: These are West Hollywood cops, taking each of the lawbreakers to separate rooms.
H: That zipper is so handy. The penis is out now.
P: You are talking like they're aliens.
H: Can't he take his hat off?
P: He's on the job. Nice T.J. Hooker music.
H: This is very '80s. Even he's bored with the sex.
After this, a man of the law drops in on a civilian while he is working out in his garage. 'You want to work out with me?', asks the local hunk.
P: This happens everyday! He's dumb as a box of rocks.
H: He's taking out his nightstick.
P: I need to start working out in my garage more often.
H: Is that a hemorrhoid? Eww, he's putting the nightstick back in the holster after he's done!
Next up, a bar raid makes the plot thicken with a bartender getting probed and searched by a hot cop.
H: Why is the bartender setting up the bar with dildos?
P: That's a good question, Humpy. Oh, they have a gift shop.
H: They're using a double dildo on each other. That takes coordination.
P: Just like riding a bicycle. It's a double Dutch bust!
H: Does this happen in the male gay bars? I think it's stuck.
P: Is the music in the background, 'Keep Me Hanging On' by Kim Wilde?
The grand finale is a bathroom scene.
P: The sound is horrible.
H: Yeah, what's with the urinal flushing in the background?
P: It abruptly ends with 'To be continued.' Which leads us into Hot Cops 4: Bustin' Loose.
H: What a rip off!
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat
Humpalot: Thumbs down the throat
