Pubert schools 'apt pupil' Stephen Kink about the 'dark half' of movies. These 'firestarters' work the 'graveyard shift' to go the extra 'green mile' and give 'IT' a thumbs up or down. So 'stand by me,' grab your popcorn, your dog 'Cujo' and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Stephen: The cover is a little Dentyne for me.
Pubert: Ohh, too white.
S: Yes, the blanket on the cover is so '80s.
Shows the scenes from the movie at the beginning.
S: Well, I guess we are diving right in!
P: Very European. They are laying in bed and not speaking in English, with no subtitles.
S: Belami light. Look at his teeth. He could French kiss a moose with those teeth of his.
P: The lighting is weird, very orange.
S: Makes them look more tan, I guess.
P: That is creepy how he is touching him. This is our first video for Halloween month.
S: It's so boring to start off with.
P: We need a good slasher to spice up this video for October!
S: That dye job is scaring me.
P: The orange must be for the fall.
S: Very autumnal spread on the bed.
P: The one has a big one. He looks like Stifler from American Pie in the face.
S: Katie Couric is more exciting reading the news than this.
The following scene has a guy sitting on his kitchen table, getting up for the morning.
P: He's getting hard.
S: What is he reading that is exciting him? The sales circular? Three pumpkins for a dollar!
P: He's cute.
S: He'll do. Every fixture in the video is from Ikea.
P: We need a storyline. And there are no subtitles so we have no idea what is going on!
Two guys meet in the street and go home with each other.
P: They are long on conversation and we don't understand them.
S: He has a good body.
P: That was awkward, he couldn't get his belt off.
S: This is like a long movie with nothing going on. Boring!
Moving along, two twinks stare at each other, in a room.
P: He is rubbing the hole in his jeans.
S: If this is what young gay men are doing, this makes me happy about my age.
P: This video must be sponsored by Diesel jeans.
Afterwards, we move on to a bar and a bartender cleaning up.
P: I am training to be a bartender at the restaurant. Maybe I will have an encounter like this one.
S: This never happens to me when I go to a bar.
P: The bartender doesn't look old enough to serve drinks.
S: Maybe in Europe!
P: This video is so boring.
S: They should take Oxycontin to keep awake. We need a LSD rush.
P: Hey, a guy just walked in on them.
S: We got a three way... finally!
P: It is still not exciting.
S: The guy has to change hands because he can't even jack himself off.
P: This is the slowest video we have watched.
S: I had more fun watching Remains of the Day.
P: I am over it. There is no sleepover in the video.
S: This company is from Phoenix, Arizona, which translates to boring as hell.
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat
Stephen: Thumbs down the throat.
Where is the Sleepover? Go to www.tribalpulse.com
Check out past articles by going to www.windycitymediagroup.com and type in 'Pubert'
