from All Worlds Video
Pubert schools 'apt pupil' Stephen Kink about the 'dark half' of movies. These 'firestarters' work the 'graveyard shift' to go the extra 'green mile' and give 'IT' a thumbs up or down. So 'stand by me,' grab your popcorn, your dog 'Cujo' and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Stephen: Like the TV show!
Pubert: Cover is good.
S: Hot guys…
The video begins with an intro of a panel of celebrity judges. The competitors are from the four biggest porn companies. The prize is a silver dildo trophy.
P: Nice disco ball. Oh, Bruce Vilanch is one of the judges.
S: The Asian hostess could barely say 'United States' correctly!
P: Second one is Chi Chi. Who's the third guy?
S: Billy Masters.
P: He thinks he is so great.
S: Yes he does.
P: Did the panel improve this scene? They act like it.
S: Bruce's T-shirt says 'All you can eat.'
The competition begins…
P: Okay, so what does he need to do to win?
S: He has to strip! Bad sun tattoo on his stomach.
P: I like his underwear.
S: Are you kidding? No one looks good in mesh! You like it because they are playing your La Cucaracha music.
P: He just got naked on the judges table!
S: Bruce just grabbed his ass.
Now they move on to a round red bed in the middle of the room.
S: And we get to Fucking with the Stars! Yeehaw!
P: What is that tattoo?
S: It's the man in the moon.
P: So he has a sun and moon? He is overly tattooed.
S: The one guy just came... creamy!
P: His penis is so red. He is working hard.
S: Or hardly working.
P: Billy just insulted him! How rude.
Check out the new competition.
P: I like Manuel Torres; I need to interview him.
S: Of course you would. He is wearing muffin top pants and has a hairy ass. This video has a laugh track from According To Jim.
P: Bruce is getting drunk!
S: Aren't people from below the border supposed to have rhythm? [ sings ] La cucaracha, la cucaracha!
P: He's cute and hung. Play with that foreskin, Papi!
S: His buddy is cute with his choker. Is he from the country?
P: I saw him as a cowboy in another video. They are both from Raging Stallion Video.
P: That is a hot shot.
S: You're into the dark meat.
P: He just shot up to his face! The spooge got in his goatee.
S: And look how the other one shot. They had been saving up for a week.
And now contestant number 3…
S: Is he Italian? Their girl-type jeans are making me crazy.
P: These stars can't speak. Maybe they are nervous.
S: He dances like a girl!
P: Hello daddy!
S: His dance partner is older, baby!
P: Oh God he is beautiful.
S: But more mesh…
P: They must have had a special sale on it. This guy is from Falcon video.
S: These guys are not even looking at each other.
P: I like the white boy. Who is he?
S: He is making a face like he is in pain.
P: How can you jack off like a girl? His pinkie is up!
S: The scores are 8, 9, and 10.
P: Is this going to be a tie?
S: The music is from The Newlywed Game.
P: A true cliffhanger ending, where the audience gets to vote. There are some truly funny moments with Bruce Vilanch. Get Bruce, not the video.
S: Yeah, don't fuck with the audience, Chi Chi!
Stephen: Thumbs down the throat.
Pubert: Thumbs down but very funny.
Tired of the TV show and want to get the video? Go to www.channel1releasing.com .
To read past reviews from Pubert and posse go to www.windycitymediagroup.com and type in 'Pubert.'