Showtime certainly deserves its pats on the back for gay programming. Many, many pats in fact. And the latest entry in what's proving to be Queer as Showtime territory is "It Don't Mean a Thing if it Don't Got That Swing," the premiere episode of A Girl Thing, their four-part miniseries chronicling the experiences of a Manhattan psychiatrist and her female patients.
Stockard Channing-;sporting what appears to be a discarded daytime TV wig from hellplays espresso-addicted Dr. Noonan, whose patient, Lauren ( model Elle Macpherson ) strides in with groundbreaking news one day. Incapable of maintainingor even jumping intoa relationship, lawyer Lauren took part in a double blind date that weekend with jabber-jawed twit Bob ( Brent Spiner ) , uptight Frank ( Bruce Greenwood ) , and sassy commercial artist Casey ( Kate Capshaw ) . The groundbreaking part? Rather than fall for her appointed date, Frank, she found herself attracted to Casey!
Unfortunately, when a tentative romance blossoms between the pair, it's threatened by Lauren's homophobic best friend and law firm partner Claire ( Kelly Rowan ) , Lauren's discomfort with suddenly being identified as lesbian, and of course her relationship issues. Can Dr. Noonan's mental ministrations save the day ... and convince Lauren to stay in the pool of love?
Obviously no prudish network, Showtime certainly doesn't hold back the action when the girls reach the bedroom ( or couch, or kitchen, etc. ) . Indeed, the episode features what could be the longest, sauciest lesbian sex scene ( clocked at over two minutes, 30 seconds! ) in non-Playboy Channel cable history. Plus Capshaw and Macpherson lock lips constantly. Big pats on the back, Showtime and co.
But now for the spanks. Writer/director Lee Rose's script self-consciously attempts to be wry, but usually ends up cardboard and trite.
The direction leans towards TV/cable movie bland. And little realities often seems absent. To wit, when the two girls visit a lesbian bar, they don't pay the bartender ( who wears a "BITCH" T-shirt ) for their shots of tequila, simply slamming them down and strolling off, leaving their jackets unattended on a table as they dance 20 feet away. Manhattan ways of living? Not in the Manhattan I've known. The awkward couple also slug down strong alcoholic libations in every scene, usually to "loosen up," without betraying outward signs of inebriation like slurring, stumbling, or having to pee every five minutes. And Capshaw's first appearance at the blind date borders on farcical: she struts into the restaurant in full Gina Gershon/Shelley Mars drag, replete with leather jacket and Degeneresed hair. Couture for Lea DeLaria or Melissa Etheridge's latest engagement or hetero dinner affair? You tell me.
However, more proud pats are due to Capshaw, who gracefully and cooly plays the most believable and likeable character in the show. Her Casey knows when to keep her mouth shut, how much information to divulge, and barring a few hideous garments of clothing, is a fetching pleasure to watch. As for Macpherson, her character's hang-ups make her not only unattractive, but idiotic, as she plays out the flipside of, say, Lianna from John Sayles' straight-woman-gone-dyke film Lianna. But as such, she's brilliant.
Thankfully, the episodes are capped off by Channing's balanced observations, which provide a Jerry Springer-esque breath of relief when her clients continue to act stupid or barely overcome their issues. And in that way the series is most, sadly, realistic. After all, not all emotional/self problems can be cured within a few hours with the doc ... or an episode of a miniseries.
In other episodes: Camryn Manheim plays a woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown, while Glenne Headley copes with her mother's control from the grave. Lynn Whitfield and Linda Hamilton star as a woman and her detective trying to get the low-down on hubby Scott Bakula ( who cheats with Mia Farrow ) . Lots of other top stars, including Irma Hall, Rebecca De Mornay, Allison Janney, S. Epatha Merkerson and Peta Wilson also stepped forward for this series.
Episodes 1&2 of A Girl Thing premiere Sat., Jan. 20 on Showtime, with parts 3 and 4 Jan. 27.