Defining what is not consensual sex seems to be easier than defining what it is. Illinois law says a person can't give consent if he or she is under the age of 17, unable to understand the nature of the act, forced, under threat of force, coerced, persuaded or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Now that we are all thoroughly turned off, we can ask: "Then how and when can a person give consent?"
SHEER ( Sexuality Health Education to End Rape ) , a Chicago-based collective founded in April 2010 by five anti-rape activists, is working to clarify consent and promote pleasure.
"SHEER comes from a real need of education and a real need of self-care for educators and service providers," said Emily Robison, 23, SHEER founding member. "SHEER's goal is to provide accessible education about all things sexual-health and rape-prevention related."
"We want to create safe spaces for dialogue about rape and sex to exist simultaneously, to discuss the intricacies of pleasure and consent, to help folks feel ownership over their own bodies and promote practicing consent in sex that is personal and fun for those involved," she continued.
Robison endorses the affirmative consent, also known as the enthusiastic consent, standard: "All parties involved in the act are engaged and enjoying what's happening and consent happens throughout all phases of the sexual encounter."
"If we help clarify what consent is, then we could clarify what rape is," Robison said. "We recognized a need for more of a clear description of what consent looks like for people. We teach that consent is different for everyone and looks like a lot of different things."
Each partnership should find clear, non-assuming and fun ways to give consent that are true to the dynamic and language of the relationship. Basic questions that are both clear and arguably sexy"Can I touch you here? Does it feel good?"are easy ways to stay in sync. More aggressive power play, found in the kink, BDSM and fetish communities, typically require different language.
"I am passionate about pleasure, and I am passionate about ending sexual violence," Robison said. "I want to be part of the sex-positive feminist movement."
SHEER borrowed its internal structure from its fiscal sponsor, the Chicago Women's Health Center. SHEER's steering committee consists of six dedicated members, including Robison. The committee meets monthly. The non-hierarchical SHEER collective, a group of about 30 additional people, is divided into need-based work groups. The collective meets on the fourth Monday of every month in comfortable spaces, such as member's homes, workspaces and cafes. The SHEER email list contains close to 90 addresses.
SHEER has received a lot of momentum, love and support from the community, survivors and activists. Partner organizations include the Broadway Youth Center, Center on Halsted, Chicago Women's AIDS Project, Chicago Taskforce on Violence Against Girls & Young Women, Chicago Women's Health Center, DePaul University, Heartland Alliance, Northwestern University, Rape Victim Advocates and YWCA Metro Chicago. Additional partners are welcome.
"We hope to facilitate workshops this summer, and we're developing our curriculum now," said Robison on the organization's upcoming plans. "By teaching people what not to docommit rape and victim blameand what to dopractice consent and embrace pleasurewe stop rape and create safe spaces for people to feel ownership over their bodies."
Members of SHEER have also applied to speak at workshops and conferences around the country, including the San Francisco Sex Conference and the Sistersong conference in Miami. Robison gave a sex-positive presentation and represented SHEER in the SlutWalk on Saturday, June 4.
Past events include a screening and conversation with Nancy Schwartzman about her sex-positive film The Line Feb. 10, a SHEER-benefited Chances Dances! at Subterranean March 21 and a SHEER Change Celebration that honored exceptional local activists at The Beauty Bar March 31.
Currently, SHEER is discussing how it can work to clarify consent and promote pleasure while not facilitating oppression.
"We're in a pretty crucial place because we know we need to be anti-oppressive," Robison said. "All forms of oppression intersect, and rape is a form of oppression, and not providing space for all people to explore their sexuality is a form of oppression. By talking about rape and sex in the same spaces, we feel we can help combat those forms of oppression."
Robison said, therefore, that SHEER is striving to make the organization more inclusive for people of different cultures, races and religions so that they may address their varying ideas and experiences about rape, sex and consent. The white female and the queer communities are well represented. A diversity and accountability work group addresses this issue.
"We're proud of where we're at but we think we can be doing better," she continued. "We know different groups need different things, but we believe we can find common ground in dialogue around consent and pleasure. So, when we ask ourselves, 'What can people who aren't present gain from SHEER and the sex-positive movement?' One answer is simply, 'Dialogue to further clarify what consent and pleasure look like to them personally.'"
Robison said sex-positive conversation relieves the stress from constantly discussing traumatic sex and rape.
"Talking about rape 40 hours a week became really taxing on us, and we found that when we were able to integrate discussions around sex into something positive, we were able to do our jobs better," said Robison, who is also a Rape Victim Advocates sexual assault advocate.
"Doing this work requires an immense amount of self-care," she said. "It's not just lighting a candle and take a bath. It's so much more personal than that. For my own self-care, I talk clearly with my supervisor about my concerns, experiences, needs, basic life stuff; ride my bicycle; spend time with loved ones; make sure I get enough sleep; 'give the gender' I feel like giving on any given day."
If you want to get involved in the consent revolution, email sheeronline@gmail.com to subscribe to the email list and come to the collective meetings.
"Share your voice and listen," Robison said.
Visit www.sheeronline.org for more information.