And there's still nothing on TV
The premise behind Justin.TV is that Justin will live his life with a webcam strapped to his head ( I picture it duct-taped on á la the Mac/PC commercials ) and we're invited to play voyeur on his life. It all plays out like an endless episode of Seinfeld—without the laughs. It really makes you aware that, for most of our lives, nothing interesting happens at all... that, for the most part, our existence is filled with a series of empty conversations and meaningless moments. Well, Justin's is anyway. Now if they could just get him to do something worth watching. I do have to admit though, the placement of ads for Disturbia on the site was nothing short of a stroke of marketing brilliance.
Another Lie your mother told you busted
You've heard the old adage that everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Well, the Good Reverend fillets it in the same manner that Spy Magazine disproved the existence of Santa Claus back in 1990 ( see www.cvc.org/christmas/science.htm for that exposé ) —with cold, hard scientific facts and statistics. Basically it comes down to this, there is no way that the cat's reproductive rate can keep up with the masturbation rate. Makes sense to me. Hell, if it were true, I would have killed two kittens just since starting this column.
you thought waking up to the aroma of coffee was nice
Mathlete.com is a typical resume/portfolio site. Where it really shines is in its product design section. There we find the Pulse Lamp ( which should set the ladies among us atither with its Georgia O'Keeffe-iness ) and the Presence Frame ( very cool but too complicated to explain in this space ) . But my fave is the Wake n' Bacon alarm clock. It awakens you with the pleasant aroma of cooking bacon. And it's not some fake bacon scent either; this is the real deal. You see, you load it with bacon the night before and it starts cooking it about 10 minutes before your wake up time. Genius!
Time to play dress up
I went to this site because I heard tale of a Sanjaya paper doll. Sadly, it's only available to 'Superstar' members—meaning, of course, paying. The site is a sort of MySpace for paperdoll freaks, offering blogs, messaging, etc. Though it is ostensibly for little girls, I found plenty to amuse an old queen. I was able to dragify my 'MeDoll,' and in the Makeup section I was able to give a goth chick makeover to Twiggy. I decided not to spend too much time on the site. I figured a forty-something male hanging out on a paperdoll site was just asking for a vist from Chris Hansen and Dateline cameras.