here are some days that life is truly stranger than expected. I woke up this morning and did my daily morning news check. I began reading how Crystal Lake didn't want to host the rowing competition for the Gay Games. HELLO! I know 6,239 queers from Crystal Lake. A Chicago boy born and raised, I keep track of such numbers. Don't even get me started on the number of Michigan guys and gals present on our side of the pond.
In Maryland, at Hood College, a lesbian named Jennifer Jones won the homecoming king title. She beat out three men who were in line. The college didn't become fully coed until 2003, making this the second annual homecoming for the school, and the first time in their history that a black lesbian was voted king. You go girl... err, boy... uhh... you go! I wonder if she'll be carrying a big staff? And how does the elected queen feel? Maybe they'll call it the 'Homocoming.'
And, as if it couldn't get any crazier, New Line Cinema has said they are releasing a musical movie called 'Hairspray' based on the Broadway musical of teh same name, which was based on the John Waters film, also of the same name. But folks, that isn't the insane part. John Travolta is going to be playing the part of Edna Turnblad. My beloved Danny Zuko?? That gorgeous hunk Vincent Vega?? The sensitive James Ubriacco?? [ name the movies ] I am nearly beside myself in disbelief. I keep trying to picture what he'll look like in a large dress with gigantic breasts and curlers, but the vision of him shopping at the Hefty Hideaway escapes me.
Speaking of crazy, those Oscars sent me into peals of laughter on more than one occasion, but it wasn't because of Jon Stewart, who was drier than the Arizona desert. Oh how I longed for more Bruce Vilanch and less Daily Show. Did you pee just a little bit the way I did when Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep did their take on Robert Altman? Boy was I glad I was wearing dark pants at the time. I seriously pulled a jaw muscle I was laughing so hard.
I was sad that Dolly and Felicity didn't win, but seeing Lauren Bacall in such a state was a hoot. Tom Hanks, who appeared to be saying F$%K YOU to someone off stage, made me grin with delight as well.
While chatting with a friend about the awards, we decided that Reese Witherspoon is really a super pretty drag queen who will one day confirm all the rumors about Ryan Phillippe. She's also annoying yet cute. Kind of like that character Dot from Animaniacs.
And finally, will someone PLEASE buy a teddy bear and some chocolates for Jennifer Aniston? Each time they showed her it looked like she was going to burst into tears. Make it Cadbury chocolate because she could use some meat on her bones. Do they make chocolate covered bacon? If so, send her a half pound on my tab.
With you in 4/4,