Welcome to the supreme madness that is this 3rd anniversary issue. It's not every week that I am willing to get bare ass naked and put my cooter on the cover, but this is a special o-ccasion. Please enjoy my cooter, much as I do daily.
It certainly has been a long, strange trip. Like the time when Sukie and I judged the Miss Lola's contest, which was held entirely in Spanish ( neither of us 'hablamos' ) . Or the night the Gay Naturists sang Happy Birthday to me in the all together in the back of Touché. Or the one time Sukie, graysong, Joan Jett-Blakk and I drove out to the 'burbs to the swingers party. I easily won the sucking contest against all those breeder girls.
Yes, too many to mention are the memories. Thanks for playing!
So, Halloween has come and gone. This issue should give you a good idea of what I had to endure. It was no feat, trust me.
When I die, I would like to hold my memorial service at Prince night at Berlin. Honestly, I haven't had that much fun in years. Now, I don't dance. But, when 'Sexy MF' comes on, I cannot be stopped. Good show, Berlin!
Sorry I missed the ol' Jackhammer this past weekend. I hear it was inappropriate as always. Something about a plunger? Who knows?
Happy birthday to Aaron at Clark's. Now that you are 30 again, I guess were twins. Too bad. It's considered bad luck to fuck your brother ( ! ) .
Hi Dave from Free Press. We ran into one another at Pumpkinhead. Proof positive that we're all just one big happy family.
Now it can be told. Come to Crew on Tuesday November 23 for the very first Night of the Pod. Bring your iPod and you can play DJ with the best of 'em. It's a Nightspots event.
So, let me get serious a sec. While walking down Halsted with my brother and sister-in-law ( both cops ) , we passed a certain bar ( rhymes with Bosco ) . All of a sudden from out of nowhere, some prick threw an egg down from one of the apartments above this particular bar ( rhymes with Osco ) and hit my sister-in-law in the head. Understandably, we were pissed. It was evident that this had been going on all night. The sidewalk in front of bar X ( rhymes with Costco ) was all egged up. The staff at the door had to have known what was going on. But did they offer a helping hand? Did they offer to summon the cops to report this assault? Did they at least bring out a damp towel to help my sister-in-law wash the goddamn egg from her hair? No. The staff of this mystery bar ( rhymes with asshole ) did nothing, while the clientele stood by and smirked. And you wonder why you don't see certain pix in this rag?