GO SHUCK YOURSELF
See? You can learn how to do anything online. The handy, helpful folks at Penn Cove Shellfish have put together this digital guide to shucking oysters. We recommend that you practice at home a few times. You might look a bit odd lugging a laptop to an oyster roast. Besides when you slice yourself open shucking an oyster, and you will, you'll be much closer to the first aid kit.
Awhile back we brought you Burger King's creepy, yet compelling Subservient Chicken. Now we bring you the Subservient President. He doesn't know as many actions as the chicken (and this somehow seems appropriate) but he does have responses for 'start a war' and 'find WMDs.' If you're stumped about what to demand of a Subservient President either pretend you're an oil baron, or ask yourself one simple question: 'What Would Dick Cheney Do?'
Yup, there's Something for Everyone
The great thing about the WWWeird is there truly is a page about just about everything. Say hello to fatchicksinpartyhats.com . The name pretty much sums it up. Pictures of fat chicks... in party hats. Actually the name is a bit of a misnomer. The site features overweight women and men—a few of whom aren't wearing hats at all, much less pointy party ones. The pictures have barely literate 'humorous' captions allegedly written by a 17 year-old boy named Miguel. Real or just a bad joke? Dunno, but it's pretty jaw-dropping.
A site devoted to the humble urinal. The best thing on it is the photos of the '10 Most Fascinating Urinals.' It's like the 10 Wonders of the Urinary World. Who woulda thunk that that much thought could go into a pisspot? Some of these puppies are practically works of art. I mean I'd expect the urinals at the Taj Mahal to be opulent—well actually I wouldn't expect the Taj to have urinals at all; it is a mausoleum. Oh, never mind. This column is over. I suddenly have to piss really badly.