Twenty thousand additional military members may be deployed into combat in coming years.
One soldier among many around the nation, whose name cannot be used here, has had two multi-year combat deployments since 9/11 and has one more coming up. He will report for a second deployment to Iraq in the next few months. As a soldier, he is just like his fellows in that he has, for most of his adult life, kept himself physically and mentally ready and able to go and to fight. As a gay man, he is different from them in a way that is central to who he is, but not to his ability to serve among them.
Our soldier, who is in his late 30s, had wanted to be a soldier since he was five years old. As a child, he was intrigued by anything relating to the Army, Navy or Marines. True to his dream, he became an Army officer in his twenties.
'I don't mean to say I'm the most masculine guy...', he says. But he is. He serves in and supervises others in combat specialties. In those fields, toughness is valued and even assumed. 'Even the straight guys, if they have an emotion, can't show it.'
On a past deployment a young medic under his supervision displayed some reaction and was told by his commander that he was being paid combat pay exactly because there was a risk to his life. He was told to suck it up. The answer, 'Roger that, sir,' is the only answer expected.
Are attitudes inside the military changing with those of the larger society? Do military members know that gays and lesbians serve among them?
The topic of gays in the military doesn't generally come up among soldiers, according to him. 'More and more, people like to express themselves as not caring one way or the other. But then somehow it is those same people who feel they have to make the joke.'
It is required to mention gay issues and the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy as a part of military training ( called sensitivity or diversity training at different times over the years ) , but our soldier reports that it is often handled like a big joke. 'The attitude is, 'No one here is gay so there's no need to spend much time on it, right?' But you have to think: who else in the room might be gay and hearing this? And they can't ask a question because people would ask them why they asked it and if they are gay.'
There are tough choices when a stated policy doesn't actually support the best interests of anything or anyone. One young man who was being harassed came to our soldier, his supervisor, and was on the verge of admitting that he was gay. A supervisor would not have had the option under the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy to ignore that the soldier had 'told.' Faced with a conflict of obligations, our soldier tried to appear slow to understand what was about to be said, cutting in with 'I don't know what you're talking about.' In the end, the good of both the unit and the man were best served by moving him into another unit where he'd have a chance to create a better working environment for himself. The man's sexuality had no more to do with his ability to serve than our soldier's or anyone else's, but the impact on his ability to work and live in the hostile unit did.
On base, our soldier has only encountered and been open with one other gay person he met through a mutual civilian friend, but he knows many from his life before who later joined. His insights about the fit of gays in the military are expanded by their experiences.
He's also had the chance to compare notes with soldiers of allied nations where military members are allowed to serve openly. In one case, a soldier of another nation 'held his gaze' long enough to open a conversation on the topic and asked, 'How can you serve in an organization that won't let you be yourself?' Our soldiers said that he serves for the country and for the people that the services protect, more than he serves for the organization itself. He sees defense as a duty he is able to perform, so that his friends and family won't have to.
He has a civilian partner of many years and, as he prepares for this third deployment since 9/11, his partner has to cope with the fact that he's getting into what he calls 'deployment mind': compartmentalizing his emotions so that he can be ready to go.
'I caught myself starting to push him away in preparation for leaving and realized that he doesn't understand that. I realized that I am still here, not deployed till I am actually deployed. I caught myself and stopped it before I gave away our remaining time together.
Our soldier will say goodbye to his partner in private and will report to the departure area alone while others around him will be taking their leave of friends and family in some form of celebration. 'I can't see parting for such a long period of time in front of people with a 'guy hug'' he said. 'And my friends, I've decided, can't be there either. They were the ones to say to me, 'If there are 15 guys standing around crying, someone is going to get that you are gay.''
Eventually, he will return to the civilian world with his loyalties, skills and experiences. He has enjoyed the increase in respect paid to those serving in the military, and, when he reaches retirement, will be sorry to leave the organization he's proud of.
Although he feels that many inside the military and out could not care less if soldiers are gay, he does not see the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy being overturned during the nation's current need for fighters.
'It is too political. How many former soldiers have testified, 'I served honorably and I'm here to tell you I did it as a gay man,' and nothing changes? If they took a vote of every person in all the services and based the decision on the results, I'm sure what the outcome would be. I'd like to say to them, 'We're the ones in the foxhole with them, not you politicians. It is not them who ruin my morale, it's you.''
Note: The Military Readiness Enhancement Act, which would allow gay and lesbian service members to serve openly, was reintroduced to the House Feb. 28. The original introduction had more support in the House than any gay-related bill to date.
Jean Abright is a Windy City Times staff member and part of the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network.
