THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

Megan Carney opened the program by sharing what she'd learned while interviewing military women for her theater production Women At War with Rivendell Theatre Ensemble. She set the stage for stories of the human heart transcending military policy in an environment that is by nature intimate, demanding and often dangerous.

Scott Duff then moderated a panel with veterans Jim Darby, Marquell Smith and Susan J. Heggeland telling their personal stories.

The evening was both serious and light, as they told stories of serving while leading gay lives on and off military bases and ships.

Darby is the founder of the Chicago Chapter of the American Veterans for Equal Rights, the LGBT veterans group. He served four years in the U.S. Navy during the 1950s at the time of the Korean War during the outright ban on gays serving and well before the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.

Heggeland went into the U.S. Army as a means to an end—she wanted to get experience that would lead her to service in the FBI. She was in fact a military investigator during the 1990s, but she was injured, putting an end to her dreams.

Smith served for six years in the 2000s in the U.S. Marines during the era of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. His time was cut short, after many honors and promostions and jjust after he'd been selected for officer training. He was exposed after seeking advice from a supervisor during a medical scare.

When asked how they were able to serve without being outed, Darby said that, in his day, military leaders tended to look the other way if they could, recognizing how valuable trained personnel were, including those like him who were translators.

"My commanding officers were good to me," he said.

He spoke of a few close calls. "The enlistment form included a question asking if you were a 'practicing' homosexual," he said. He checked the box no because, "I thought, 'I'm not practicing; I'm actually pretty good at it.'"

He was later interrogated during an investigation of someone else. "I was asked if I knew what a homosexual was. I said, 'I think so. I know that it's against my religion.' And that was the end of that." Still, Darby left at the end of one enlistment because he knew they could come after him at any time.

"It was tough," said Heggeland, "because we're not liars." She was lucky. During an interview, "…the guy couldn't say lesbian. He kept saying lemions, or something like that, and I was able to say, 'No, I'm not that.'"

"I was very afraid that my background check [for a security clearance] would lead to arrest or discharge," she said. "I was recruited to the criminal investigations command, which investigate homosexuals. [For me] it was like, 'They went thataway … .'" She said that, in practice, allegations of homosexuality went through stringent filters and were not brought lightly.

In a tight-knit military community, it is hard to have and to protect a private life. Smith said it was common to stay under the radar by changing pronouns in conversation and using nicknames for partners. Heggeland said that gay men and women would pair up and marry for cover and to be allowed off-base quarters.

The panelists where asked why they enlisted. Each spoke of a call to serve and protect the nation.

"We owe something to the United States of America," said Darby. "If you are able to serve, do."

"I am proud to have served. That's a feeling that no one can take away from us," said Heggeland.

Darby spoke of the need to recognize that gay people have served. The local chapter is sponsoring a monument to gay veterans to be installed in the Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery near Joliet, and dedicated May 25. See more at www.windycitymediagroup.com/lgbt/Fundraising-underway-for-GLBT-veterans-monument/50168.html .

* * *

Kim Hunt of Affinity spoke as an organizer of the program. Performance artist travis, also a Navy veteran, opened the evening with musical entertainment.

Secret Loves waa the second program in the Out at CHM series for 2015, to be followed by StoryCorps's OutLoud on May 7. The events are $20 and $15 for Museum members and students.

The video playlist below contains multiple videos. Choose Playlist in the top left hand corner to watch videos out of order, if preferred.