A few days ago I was standing at a bus stop in Andersonville when a group of men passed on the sidewalk behind me. My back was turned to them and I honestly did not even notice their presence until one man slapped me painfully on the butt. I turned to them and he yelled, "Yeah, girl!"
I felt completely degraded. I was in pain. I was furious. I began yelling and cursing at him. Other than shouting, "Fuck you" back at me, this man and his friends continued to just walk down the street, business as usual. I on the other hand, looked like the crazy person yelling on the corner. Though I had just been sexually harassed and physically assaulted, I felt embarrassed that this stranger had reduced me to a feeling of helplessness that was expressed by shouting on the street. I was embarrassed that people probably saw the way this stranger had touched me and I was further embarrassed that the Sunday brunchers on Clark probably saw me as just some angry black woman.
Honestly, I don't know if this man targeted me because I am a woman or I am Black. Who even knows if I was the only person he harassed on Clark that day. I doubt it had anything to do with me being gay as the man and his friends appeared to be gay also. When it comes down to it, this man just had no respect for other people's bodies and felt entitled to touch/hit anyone he wanted. We talk a lot these days about rape culture but we continue single out straight men as if they are the only perpetrators of rape culture. In our society, men are socialized to feel entitled to other people's bodies. In no way am I saying that men in general are rapists or even generally sexually harass people but there's obviously a difference between the way women and men are socialized to think of other people's bodies. As we raise our boys, we give them the impression that sexual harassment is funny to everyone, including the victim. This is why a stranger stuck me on the street, and this is why not a single one of his friends batted an eye. This is also why you would be hard pressed to find a woman who has not had to endure catcalling from some creep who thinks she should be flattered.
My story is not surprising. My story is not even uncommon. This particular instance was not the first time I had been harassed on the street and it won't be the last time. Being harassed on the street is something women deal with constantly but there's something to be said when you are surrounded by other gay people and it is still happening. I came out when I was very young and began going to gay bars when I was sixteen. I cannot begin to guess how many times a friend or I, have been groped by a strange man or even a male friend at a gay bar under the guise of, "I just want to see how it feels." How I feel is none of your business. The very idea that someone has the audacity to believe they have the right to touch another person's body without their consent and justify it with "curiosity" is beyond offensive. People are not dolls.
This does not just happen with women. Recently a straight male friend confided to me that he no longer wants to go to gay bars because of how often he is groped by other men. He asked me not to tell other people because he doesn't want to appear homophobic. I've had similar discussions with queer men who don't want to rock the boat. When we socialize men to think that they are entitled to touch whoever they want, we are also telling men not to speak up when they feel uncomfortable by this same touching. Men are raised with the same, "boys will be boys" rhetoric that women have become accustomed to. It is a standard response to bullying, sexual harassment, infidelity, and even rape. This simple phrase justifies repulsive behavior as if it is inherent to a certain gender. Men should be just as offended by this phrase as women.
I'm not writing this for the man who harassed me on the street. I'm writing this for every person, including his friends, who looked on as if his actions were acceptable. I'm writing this for the person he probably will harass again next weekend. Hopefully, she won't be the only one yelling profanities at him and she can walk away feeling somewhat vindicated by those around her.
As for my altercation, a few minutes later I got on the bus and texted my friend whom I had plans with and canceled. I was no longer in the mood to go out and be social. I was still really upset that a simple plan to run errands had turned into such a degrading and embarrassing situation. I'm sure my harasser and his friends continued on with their Sunday as if nothing happened and never gave a thought to how that brief interaction may have impacted my day. If they did, I'm sure they would think I was overreacting. After all, "boys will be boys," right?
