Spanish translation below.
The animosity against gay people will subside, I keep telling myself. Gay people will be all right, I repeat to myself, wishfully thinking. If only those who discriminate against gay people would really see the light… If only… I may be lying to myself; the world is not going to change as fast as I would like. But there is one way we can help, here in the U.S. and in my native Mexico.
I can be completely understanding of my kids' sexual orientation, but I can't keep it to myself. Unless we parents of gay children speak up about it, the discrimination, the misunderstandings are not going to stop. We parents need to be out, same as our children. The world needs to know that when our kids came out the world didn't end. We are still a family and we are still there for each other. Now, we all have to come out of the closet.
When my daughter came out, some 15 years ago (she is 32 now), I didn't know what to do, what to say or how to react. At that time I had been working on behalf of human rights for about 15 years. I even went to South Africa, representing a human rights organization, where there was a controversial resolution to work on the human rights of victims of repression due to their sexual orientation. I fought for it. Yet, when I found out about my daughter, I was in denial. I thought she was confused.
One day, when she was 17, I was driving her home from school. I asked her, "So, do you have any idea who you are going to prom with? She said: "I'm going with Sarah" (not her real name). I said, "with her?" She replied, "Yes, I like girls." Just like that!
It was time for me to stop at a red light, but I didn't know what to do, I was so confused! I asked, "What do you mean?" She said, again, "I like girls, I don't like boys." I muttered, "But how can you go to the prom with a girl? How can you go with Sarah?" She said, "I can go with whoever I want, and she likes girls too." I insisted, "Well, you might like that particular girl, but it doesn't mean you dislike boys! Sometimes one may have a very good relationship with a girlfriend and take it the wrong way…" she said, "No, I'm sure. I don't like boys."
I immediately called a friend whom I had just learned had a gay son and told her about my "problem." Luckily, she was a lot wiser that I was and she told me, "It's OK. Don't worry. You didn't do anything to cause it and you can't change it."
I discussed the issue with my husband, and after a few days of idea digestion, we decided the inevitable: there was nothing we could do and we better continue loving her just as much if not more, because she had a hard road in front of her.
My daughter had been my baby, my beautiful little girl who liked only pink, my very insightful pre-teen who was in love with horses, and my very hard working teen who used to find all sorts of odd jobs.
And now, as an adult, she is also a friend on whose wisdom I rely to make important decisions in my life. And she has used her wisdom to choose her life partner, a wife, a wonderful, smart woman whom we love and have welcomed into our family with open arms. All of us in our family think that we have never seen my daughter so happy.
My dream for my daughter to find a loving spouse has been fulfilled. I can appreciate how they see the future in each other's eyes; may they grow old together, and may they always be fond of each other.
My daughter has done her job. She has been courageous and now it's my turn. I have to tell the world how wonderful it is to have a daughter who is free to be herself in front of an ever more accepting world but which still imposes unfair laws on her because of her sexual orientation.
I have to proclaim all over, including and especially to my Latino friends and family, that my daughter is happily married to a wonderful woman. On occasion, people have come to me to confess that they also have a gay son, or daughter, or cousin. They see it is possible to be happy with an unconventional family. I tell them, "It's OK. Don't worry. You didn't do anything to cause it and you can't change it."
We must open the doors for our gay children. We must tell the world they are not different from anybody else, so they can be accepted and given the same rights and responsibilities as anybody else—including the right to raise their own children. That's the way to love our gay children.
Queta Rodriguez Bauer, MSC, ABC is a principal at Cultural Communications, LLC.
Como amar a nuestros hijos gay
La animosidad contra las personas gay disminuira, me digo a mi misma. Los hombres y mujeres gays van a estar bien, me lo repito, pensando ilusoriamente. Si solo los que discriminan a los homosexuales pudieran ver la luz... Si tan solo... pero tal vez me mienta a mi misma, el mundo no va a cambiar tan rapido como me gustaria. Sin embargo, hay una forma en que podemos ayudar, aqui en los EE.UU. y en mi pais natal, Mexico.
Puedo comprender completamente la orientacion sexual de mi hija, pero no debo quedarme callada. A menos que los padres de hijos homosexuales hablen en torno a eso, la discriminacion, los malos entendidos no van a parar. Nosotros, los padres tenemos que estar fuera del closet, al igual que nuestros hijos. El mundo tiene que saber que cuando nuestros hijos revelaron su orientacion sexual no paso nada; todo siguio igual. Seguimos siendo una familia unida. Ahora nos toca a nosotros, los padres, tenemos que salir todos del closet.
Cuando mi hija lo anuncio, hace unos 15 anos (ella tiene 32 anos ahora), yo no sabia que hacer, que decir o como reaccionar. En ese momento ya habia yo estado trabajando a favor de los derechos humanos durante 15 anos. Incluso fui a Sudafrica, en representacion de una organizacion de derechos humanos, donde habia una polemica para trabajar por los derechos humanos de las victimas de la represion debido a su orientacion sexual. He luchado por ello. Sin embargo, cuando me entere de que mi hija era lesbiana, estuve en estado de negacion. Pense que ella estaba confundida.
Un dia, cuando ella tenia 17 anos, yo iba manejando a casa desde la escuela. Le pregunte: "Entonces, ?tienes alguna idea de con quien iras al baile de graduacion? Ella dijo: "Con Sarah" (no es su nombre real). Le dije, sorprendida: "?con ella?" Ella respondio: "Si, me gustan las chicas." Solo asi.
Me tenia que detener en un semaforo en rojo, pero yo no sabia que hacer !estaba tan confundida! Le pregunte: "?Que quieres decir?" Ella dijo, otra vez, "Me gustan las chicas, no me gustan los chicos." Murmure: "Pero… ?Como puedes ir al baile con una chica? ?Como puedes ir con Sarah? "Ella dijo:" Yo puedo ir con quien yo quiera, y a ella le gusta las chicas tambien." Insisti: "Bueno, tal vez te caiga muy bien una chica en particular !pero eso no quiere decir que no te gusten los chicos! A veces uno puede tener una muy buena relacion con una chica e interpretarla de una forma equivocada..." Dijo, "No, estoy segura. No me gustan los chicos."
Inmediatamente llame a una amiga quien me acababa de decir que tenia un hijo gay y le hable de mi "problema." Por suerte, ella era mucho mas sabia que yo, y me dijo: "Esta bien. No te preocupes. Tu no has hecho nada para que ella sea asi y no puedes cambiarla".
Discuti el asunto con mi marido, y despues de unos dias de digerir la situacion, decidimos lo inevitable: no habia nada que pudieramos hacer y seria mejor seguir amandola mucho, o mas, porque tendria un duro camino por delante.
Mi hija habia sido mi bebe, mi linda nina a quien le gustaba solo el color de rosa, mi muy perspicaz pre-adolescente que estaba enamorada de los caballos, y mi muy trabajadora adolescente quien se las arreglaba para encontrar todo tipo de trabajos.
Y ahora, de adulta, ella es tambien una amiga en cuya sabiduria me apoyo para tomar decisiones importantes en mi vida. Y ella ha usado su sabiduria para elegir a su companera de vida, su esposa, una maravillosa, inteligente mujer que amamos y a quien hemos dado la bienvenida a nuestra familia con los brazos abiertos. Todos nosotros en nuestra familia pensamos que nunca hemos visto a mi hija tan feliz.
Mi sueno de que mi hija encontrara una pareja amorosa se ha cumplido. Cuando se miran a los ojos uno ve como contemplan su futuro una al lado de la otra y que pueden envejecer juntas. Ojala que siempre se amen y se respeten asi.
Mi hija ha hecho lo que tenia que hacer. Ella ha sido valiente y ahora es mi turno. Tengo que decirle a todos lo maravilloso que es tener una hija que es libre de ser ella misma frente a un mundo donde aunque haya cada vez mas aceptacion, sigue imponiendo leyes injustas sobre ella a causa de su orientacion sexual.
Tengo que anunciar por todas partes, incluyendo en particular a mis amigos latinos y la familia, que mi hija esta felizmente casada con una mujer maravillosa. En ocasiones, alguna persona ha venido a mi para confesar que ellos tambien tienen un hijo o hija gay. Ellos ven que es posible ser feliz con una familia no convencional. Yo les digo: "Esta bien. No te preocupes. Tu no has hecho nada para que ella sea asi y no puedes cambiarla".
Tenemos que abrir las puertas para nuestros hijos gay. Debemos decirle al mundo que no son diferentes de cualquier otra persona, para que puedan ser aceptados con los mismos derechos y responsabilidades que tenga cualquier otra persona—incluyendo el derecho a criar a sus propios hijos. Esa es la manera de amar a nuestros hijos gay.
[Note: This website has issues with special characters so unfortunately the Spanish equivalents had to be posted with English characters/letters.]
