By now you've heard about the tragic death of Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old freshman from Rutgers University who took his own life Sept. 22 after he was outed online.
We don't know how long, or to what extent, Clementi endured being bullied because of his sexual orientation. We don't know why his peers humiliated him by secretly recording and broadcasting the video. What we do know is that Clementi could not take it any longer. We know that he drove, roughly, an hour from his campus in New Jersey to the George Washington Bridge on the New York state line. For an hour… he drove. We know that he left his phone and wallet inside his car, which was parked on a nearby road. And, we know, in part, his final words, which he posted on Facebook: "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry."
The notion that Clementi is one of only a few victims, as of late, who has committed suicide after being bullied for being gay, or perceived to be gay, is a false reality. There are others. Billy Lucus, 15, from Greensburg, Ind., died Sept. 9 after he hanged himself in his family's barn. Cody Barker, 17, from Shiocton, Wis., ended his life Sept. 13. Asher Brown, 13, from Cypress, Texas, shot himself to death Sept. 23. Seth Walsh, 13, from Tehachapi, Calif., hanged himself Sept. 19. And, Raymond Chase, 19, from Johnson and Wales University in Providence, R.I., also hanged himself Sept. 29.
Six teenage boys killed themselves last month. They were tormented to the point of envisioning a future not worth living. And, of course, there are many others.
For these boys, support came too late ( perhaps not at all ) . But for countless other teens struggling with the feelings of isolation associated with being gay, there may be hope in the form of a simple and accessible message: "It Gets Better."
That message is the cornerstone of a new channel on YouTube ( www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject ) , launched by syndicated columnist, author and gay-rights activist Dan Savage and his husband, Terry. The project's goal is to provide teens with positive messages from gay adults and their allies, to assure them that they are not alone and that—it gets better.
"You hear about these kids and you wish you could have stopped them. I think to myself, 'If I could just talk to them for five minutes … If I could just tell them that life does get better … If I could just show them that gay people do overcome fear and uncertainty and go on to live happy, healthy lives.' But, as a gay adult, I can't walk into a public school or a church to talk to kids who are being bullied. We ( gay adults ) aren't being invited to those places. There isn't a safety net for LGBT kids, especially in rural areas. It's why we're seeing more gay teen suicides in exurbs and suburban areas. That's why Terry and I did this, to talk to teenagers directly," Savage told Windy City Times Oct. 3 at the Center on Halsted, where he appeared for video shoots.
The project has already garnered a lot of attention. Since its debut last week, the channel has received almost one million hits with dozens of testimonials being uploaded daily. Moreover, the project is compelling supporters to think bigger.
When Jake Stigers and his partner, Justin Skok, heard about Savage's project, they jumped on the opportunity to get involved. The two men organized a video-recording session at tThe Center Oct. 3 and they invited the public to come and share their stories.
"We called our friends, asked them to donate their time and expertise. We received a camera, lights, and all this equipment, and The Center donated the space. Then we put the word out on Facebook. Everything just sort of fell into place and the outcome has been incredible," Stigers said.
Not surprisingly, word spread quickly about Stiger and Skok's shout out for participation. The entire seven-hour block was completely filled before the event began, with more than 50 people on the waiting list.
"Between our own friends and family we know at least 10 kids. Statistically, one of those kids is going to be gay. So, if what we're doing here helps just one of them, then it's worth it," Skok said.
As for Savage, despite the outpouring of support for his latest endeavor, he still has ( and has always had ) critics who argue that his anti-religious views contradict his positions on equality for LGBTQ people; that marginalizing the faithful is the same as marginalizing the queer community.
"Let me be clear. I don't have an anti-religious agenda with this project," Savage said. "I have an anti-religious agenda in the rest of my life. I get e-mails all the time from people who tell me that my comments about religion hurt their feelings. They say things like, 'I'm a Christian but I don't hate gay people. So why are you giving Christians a bad name?' I'm giving Christians a bad name? The little faggot who writes an advice column is giving Christianity a bad name? To them, I say fuck your feelings.
"You're not being targeted, beaten and ridiculed for being a Christian. You're not being driven to suicide for believing in your faith. But gay children are. Gay children are dying. You may be a Christian who doesn't support bigotry, but plenty of your Christian cohorts espouse the very intolerance that gives other kids a license to attack gay children. The religious right is giving Christianity a bad name. So take responsibility for it. Don't cry to me. Go tell Tony-fucking-Perkins and the fucking Family Research Council and fucking Rush Limbaugh and everyone else on your side of the fence that they are the ones giving Christianity a bad name.
"Should I be more careful in how I distinguish Christians? I suppose I should say right wing, douche bag, anti-gay, psychotic, sex-negative Christians. But I don't always think to make that distinction, especially when gay kids are being killed. Besides, anyone who clings to his or her faith, but fails to address their fellow Christians who promulgate bigotry, is just as culpable as the next right-wing asshole.
"This project isn't the solution to the suffering gay kids are experiencing, but it is an effort to help them understand that they are not alone in this world, that their lives are important, and that life will improve."
To view "It Gets Better" stories, or to share your own, log on to www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject. To learn more about how you can make a difference in a gay child's life, log on to www.TheTrevorProject.org .
John Fenoglio is a freelance writer for Windy City Times.
