Two advocates for transgender people from very different backgrounds came together on Oct. 23 at the Gerber/ Hart Library for a panel discussion on transgender life.
Children's author Jen Carr and transgender performer/ activist KOKUMO presented on their experiences and work at "Don't forget the T," a discussion on trans identity.
Carr, whose book Be Who You Are is believed to be the first children's book about a family that embraces their transgender child, talked about parenting her transgender 7-year-old. KOKUMOa service provider at Broadway Youth Center and self-described "artivist"spoke about how she uses her experience with abuse to advocate for other transgender women of color.
Carr's child, who she refers to as a "natal boy," told her three years ago that she felt more like a girl inside. Carr told her child to "be who you are."
"It was the first thing that came out of my person," Carr said. "It was the first time in my child's life that I saw struggle. That hurt me deeply."
Carr had gay friends, but had never heard of "transgender." In time, her family got a therapist, and her child transitioned to living as a girl full-time before kindergarten.
Carr's struggles are detailed in "Be Who You Are," the fictionalized account of her daughter's transition, written to give her family a book that reflects them.
"I feel like my primary mission is to help us become better allies, to build bridges," she said.
KOKUMO, a transgender-identified woman of color, told Carr, "I wish I had a mother like you."
"I commend you on being brave enough to allow your daughter to be your daughter," she added.
KOKUMO spoke of her own struggles as a person who overcame childhood abuse and was not allowed to transition to female until adulthood. She is currently working to create Chicago's first transgender pride celebration, "Transgender, Gender Non-conforming Intersex Freedom" as well as touring her one-person show, "The Faggot Who Could Fly."
Mid-discussion, Carr asked KOKUMO to collaborate with her on a new children's book. Carr said she has been approached by service providers to turn her current book into one where the protagonist is a person of color. Carr said she has declined because she doesn't feel comfortable representing an experience that is not her own.
"I don't feel like that's genuine to me," Carr said. "Everyone deserves to have a story that they can relate to."
KOKUMO accepted the offer.
Both panelists agreed that fear is one of the main reasons many parents of trans kids have trouble accepting their transitions. But KOKUMO said that racism also played a major factor for families of color.
"The fear that my family felt was that it's hard enough for a black man to get a job," she said. A black transgender person would have a much harder time.
The two also talked about the idea of "passing" as your preferred gender. Carr said she felt the burden was on non-transgender people to recognize people as their preferred genders. KOKUMO added, however, that some people who don't pass are at greater risk for violence.
"It's not our responsibility, but it is our burden," she said.
The panel wrapped up with a question-and-answer session and a group discussion.