It's the talk of the town. Two people meet. They spend time together, become more serious and eventually decide to marry.
Big ceremony. Celebration. Honeymoon. Sex is great, love is all around.
A year later, the big divorce. What happened?
1 ) Love or lust? "We just clicked" and "The sex was the best I've ever had:"
To base a marriage solely around the physical attraction is a potential disaster. In body, everything will change. What was brand new will become older as time passes. That is inevitable. The newness fades. The familiar isn't as exciting.
Love is a deeper understanding of the next step to a relationship. You can embrace the change that time will do to the body and still relish the physical experience. Lust is intense and time limited. Love is slow cooking at its best and can last a lifetime.
2 ) "I thought he/she was going to be different:"
If you repeatedly attract the same style of person or "drama" and do not understand the reason for your attraction, chances are you will attract the same relationship again. You magnetize the person to you based on your own needs and desires. There are no mistakes. Gender, race, age and culture change, but people often still attract the same internal dynamics. No mistake on this one, there are no coincidences.
3 ) "I didn't really want this, but I went along with them in order to please them:"
Emotional honesty, stating what you really want, is mutually beneficial to a potential marriage. When the partner finds out that the relationship was based on a lie or a lack of honesty, resentment and disrespect will be cultivated. You have disrespected yourself if you have been less than honest about what you truly wanted from the relationship. Never acquiesce. Resentment to the unknowing spouse is what is projected outward. Tell it like it is.
Part II: What's next?
Dr. Martha Hernandez is a psychiatrist for Better Existence with HIV ( BEHIV ) . She will occasionally contribute mental-health columns for Windy City Times.