Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2021-12-08



The Marriage Dilemma
by Deb Price

This article shared 2920 times since Wed Feb 12, 2003
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

This Valentine's Day, marriage-minded gay couples are wisely being urged to give one another something that lasts far longer than roses and chocolates: a trip to the local courthouse to apply for a marriage license.

Our relationships deserve nothing less than the full range of legal protections that our married friends and relatives can take for granted.

The Rev. Troy Perry is calling on gay couples to celebrate their love, commitment and belief in equal rights Feb. 14 by joining him in asking for a marriage license.

Perry, who in 1968 founded the gay-friendly Protestant denomination known as the Metropolitan Community Church, isn't under any illusion that he and his partner of 18 years, Phillip DeBlieck, will actually get a license from a Los Angeles clerk. But he wants the healthy dose of self-respect that comes from asking for equality. And he wants a unique opportunity to educate heterosexuals who believe in marriage.

'I know Phillip and I will be told no,' says Perry, whose 300-church network blesses about 6,000 same-sex couples a year. 'But it's important for heterosexual couples to see us in line and know we want to marry just like they do. I'm gregarious, and I'll be telling them all about our relationship and love for one another.'

Perry has prepared an action kit for gay couples: He encourages them to take friends along for moral support and urges them to line up local media coverage to spotlight the fact that gay couples still are denied the right to marry the person we love. (See .)

'It might be rough. Yes, people might stare at you.' Perry says. 'But it's an issue of self-esteem to say: 'Yes, I am going (to the courthouse)! Yes, I am getting in line! Yes, I am going to ask for a license because it is the right thing to do!''

Perry plans to publicly stand up for his relationship by getting turned down for a marriage license every year around Valentine's Day until the laws are changed to reflect the reality of enduring gay love and commitment. Likewise, Feb. 12 is observed every year as National Freedom to Marry Day. (For details on events nationwide see .)

If you're tempted to write off Perry's idea as a publicity stunt, something best left to full-time activists, let me assure you—based on personal experience—that summoning the strength to stand in a government office with your partner and actually ask a stranger to treat you no differently from a heterosexual couple is unsettling, even life-changing.

It's easy to casually tell friends, 'We'd get married if we could.' It's far more difficult—and important—to force yourself to come face to face with the discrimination that still makes marriage impossible for gay American couples.

In 1996, my partner Joyce and I celebrated our 10th anniversary by getting turned down for a marriage license. We felt proud. I'd expected that. What I hadn't expected was to feel so fearful. I gained a new appreciation for gay path-breakers and for women who'd cast ballots when that wasn't lawful, for the African-Americans who'd sat down at 'whites-only' lunch counters.

Perry's call to action couldn't come at a more promising time. In 1993, Hawaii's top court shook the world by seriously considering legally uniting two words rarely heard together before then: 'gay' and 'marriage.'

Now, 10 years later, the Netherlands and Belgium embrace gay marriage. And this summer, Massachusetts' top court could deliver the breakthrough for American gay couples that skittish Hawaiian voters ultimately thwarted.

'We're in another Hawaii moment right now,' stresses Evan Wolfson of the Freedom to Marry Collaborative, a group working to legalize civil marriage for same-sex couples.

Just a decade ago, gay marriage seemed almost unimaginable. Now the question is when, not if.

We're blessed to live in a country with a history of correcting injustices once it sees them. This Valentine's Day is a perfect time for gay couples to make this injustice more visible.


This article shared 2920 times since Wed Feb 12, 2003
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

LGBTQ+-rights activist Jim Obergefell announces political run 2022-01-18
- Jim Obergefell—the LGBTQ+-rights activist and named plaintiff in the Supreme Court case that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide—announced Jan. 18 that he is launching a bid for the Ohio state House, reported. "I took a history-ma ...

Gay News

Plaintiff in historic Florida marriage-equality lawsuit found dead 2022-01-14
- In Florida, Jorge Diaz-Johnston was recently found dead in a Jackson County landfill, ABC News reported. Diaz-Johnston, 54, was reported missing on Jan. 3 near his workplace and police are investigating his death as a homicide, ...

Gay News

Skydeck Chicago announces Valentine's Day 'Love on The Ledge' contest 2022-01-05
- Skydeck Chicago has announced its annual "Love on The Ledge" social media contest. The event at the Willis Tower observation deck gives adventurous couples of all backgrounds the chance to tie the knot or renew their ...

Gay News

Monks separate from school after it hires coach in same-sex marriage 2022-01-05
- The group of Benedictine monks governing Lisle's Benet Academy announced it will cut ties with the school after the hiring of a lacrosse coach who is in a same-sex marriage, according to Naperville News 17. Benet ...

Gay News

Israel allows surrogacy for same-sex couples, trans people and single men 2022-01-04
- Israel Health Minister Nitzan Horowitz announced that, starting next week, same-sex couples, single men and transgender people will be able to parent children through surrogacy, an option that was previously banned for them in the country, ...

Gay News

New Jersey legislature votes to codify marriage equality 2021-12-21
- On Dec. 20, New Jersey lawmakers took steps to protect marriage equality, with both houses of the state legislature voting to enshrine the right to same-sex marriage into state law, reported. Sponsors of the legislation ...

Gay News

WORLD Chile's marriage law, Tokyo's move, Iran arrest, Mr. Gay World resigns 2021-12-19
- Chilean President Sebastian Pinera signed a historic bill legalizing same-sex marriage into law, days after the measure was approved by Congress, Al-Jazeera reported. The law "puts all love relationships between two people on an equal footing," ...

Gay News

NATIONAL New Jersey, Audre Lorde, LGBTQ book, youth items 2021-12-19
- In the face of growing anxiety over the Supreme Court's conservative bent, state lawmakers in New Jersey are moving to pass marriage-equality legislation, Gay City News reported. According to Garden State Equality, the New Jersey Assembly's ...

Gay News

Chile's political houses approve marriage equality by landslide margin 2021-12-08
- Chile approved marriage-equality legislation in a landslide vote on Dec. 7, NPR reported. Both houses of Chile's Congress authorized the measure with overwhelming majorities, making it the eighth Latin American country to allow same-sex marriage, as ...

Gay News

Thailand, Switzerland go in opposite directions regarding marriage equality 2021-11-18
- Thailand's Constitutional Court ruled a law that defines marriage as between a man and a woman in the country is constitutional, The Washington Blade reported. The Foundation for Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Rights and Justice, ...

Gay News

Same-sex partners can now access Social Security survivor's benefits 2021-11-05
--From a press release - [New York, NY] This week, Lambda Legal has announced that the Social Security Administration (SSA) has withdrawn its appeals in two cases on behalf of surviving same-sex partners and spouses whom SSA had previously denied from ...

Gay News

Departments dismiss appeals of same-sex Social Security survivor case 2021-11-01
- On Nov. 1, the U.S. Department of Justice and the Social Security Administration (SSA) dismissed their Ninth Circuit appeals of two nationwide class-action suits that Lambda Legal won. The original ruling was in favor of surviving ...

Gay News

WORLD Japan politics, video games, lesbian tennis player, Mr. Gay World 2021-10-10
- LGBTQ+-rights activists were hoping Japan would finally allow same-sex marriage if Taro Kono, who has publicly supported same-sex marriage, became the country's next prime minister—but their hopes were dashed. Japan's ...

Gay News

"I can't be silent": Michael O'Connor discusses his longtime activism 2021-10-04
By Kayleigh Padar - Years ago, longtime activist Michael O'Connor heard that some Black legislators in Illinois didn't want to support the Marriage Equality Act because they didn't believe Black people would benefit from same-sex marriage. He decided to prove ...

Gay News

Liz Cheney: 'I was wrong' to oppose same-sex marriage 2021-09-27
- U.S. Rep. Liz Cheney said—in a segment of the CBS show 60 Minutes that aired Sept. 26—she was "wrong" to oppose same-sex marriage when her objection to it caused a public split with her family, including ...


Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.






About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.