In this day and age, it's safe to say that we've pretty much become desensitized through violent movies, graphic sexual conduct on regular broadcast television and the frankness and sometimes automatic reporting of acts of prejudice and discrimination during the newscasts. It is no wonder that even love itself has not managed to escape this epoch of desensitization.
Somewhere along the line "love" has lost its power. Or better put, people have lost sight of what love truly is and have replaced it with something altogether less profound.
We are all born with the initial basic "love" software passed on through years and years of genetics. Much like a sea turtle knows to make a mad dash to the water once hatched, so we, too, are born with a rudimentary knowledge of this emotion. We learn to cultivate that emotion through interaction with our parents, caregivers, siblings and members of our extended family. Once we're ready for social interaction, we further edify our ability to express love to our friends and eventually, our mates.
However, somewhere between those last two, wires are getting crossed and we are mistaking feelings like lust and excitement for love. Those three cherished little words that can change the course of a romantic relationship once uttered are being flung out there as though they come two for a dollar. The words, "I love you" are meant to be reserved for when it is meant. The weight of what those words mean continues to lose some of its heft with each use. And let's face it, they are being used a LOT.
In the course of your life, how many people have you felt you've fallen in love with? Three? Five? More than ten? Are you sure it was love and not desire, carnality or passion? Perhaps the bigger question would be "What is love?"
Love may be the one emotion that can never truly be expressed in words. It is a liquid sentiment, one that can never be held in one's grip long enough to be fully comprehended. Love is something so much bigger than us that if you have it, if you feel it, its benevolence consumes any and every negative thought, feeling, response and perception until it is completely disintegrated leaving only joy, devotion, affection and kindness in its place. From this basic formula is derived all the other sentiments that complete its function. Sentiments like honesty, respect, loyalty, honor and esteem.
We all know that someone who claims to fall in love with each new relationship. And it's always funny how quickly that so-called love turns to bitterness, anger and sometimes even vengeance once the relationship is over. Not only is that not love, but love is now used as an excuse for every other altered and heightened emotion we feel. "I bricked her window because I loved her and she obviously did not love me back." "I slashed his tires because he was the love of my life and he left me." In some cases, it would seem that love has become the VIP pass to psychosis.
As with everything else in life, any one thing given out on a regular basis loses its cardinal value. Hand out "I love you's" like they come in pairs and it is no longer that rare entity that knocks the socks off that special someone. As with all excess, the more you supply the bigger the demand. True love is a paramount and exhausting emotion that literally devours all of whomever possesses it. As if that weren't enough, to lose it is an even greater debilitation. I don't believe that there is a human being alive who can dispense and lose that type of emotion and all it implies on a regular basis without severe consequences. So what happens is, we dispense something altogether less predominant, less magnanimous and we call it "love." After all, that is what "progress" is all about, isn't it? We have drive-thru's, cell phones, pagers, faxes, automatic pilots and online banking to streamline our lives. Why should love be any different?
I believe that we have become a lazy generation. It is very possible that once we meet someone we find attractive in some way, we set ourselves up to the possibility of love. But once we become more involved and time spent together increases, our intentions take a detour into the realm of what I like to call "familiar love." This is the love that we share with friends and family. We know this love, we have lived this love all our lives. We basically revert to the fundamental software with which we were born and figure it'll do. Initial physical attraction, excitement and passion do their part to keep the thrill of a new relationship. Once the thrill dies down, you are left with the primary "familiar love" that allows you to convince yourself, and your partner, that this is real romantic love.
We all know at least one couple who has remained together too long. They no longer hold hands, no longer kiss each other goodnight, and sometimes are no longer honest with each other, respect each other or remain loyal to each other.
As is with the love you feel for family, you tolerate a lot because you feel it's the way it has to be. A mixture of not wanting time invested to have been a waste and feeling guilt for perhaps realizing that this really wasn't love after all, some couples opt stay in a "familiar love" relationship longer than necessary.
This is not to say that true love doesn't exist and that there aren't couples who have successfully found and held on to it. It's just to say that we should be careful not to designate the label of "true love" to something that may very well be a paltry imitation.
With Valentine's Day just around the corner, here are some guiding questions to help establish the real thing from something a little more temporary so that you may spend this Love Holiday in heaven and not in mayhem.
1. Can you remember the exact moment you first met and what that person was wearing right down to the color of socks ( if applicable ) ?
2. Do you find it nearly impossible remembering what your life was like before meeting this person? Do you find it nearly impossible imagining a life without this person?
3. Do you feel naked at the thought of going out socially without this person?
4. Do you still get those butterflies in the stomach when this person and you exchange "I love you's"?
5. Are you convinced that your sole reason for being born was to find this person and share a life together?
6. If you've been together for more than five years are you certain that all of the above will still hold true after 10? After 20?
7. Have each of you become better people in every aspect of your lives since you've met?
If you've answered "yes" to all of these questions, congratulations! You may have found that rare and exceptional commodity outside the convenience and indolence of today's get-it-quick, spend-it-fast and what's-hot-now world.
