Yeah, your mother did it. She made you gay. But she did it because it's a good thing. Forget all that '50s psychiatric blather about over pushy ( or protective ) mothers and weak fathers. She didn't do it that way. And anyway it's not just your mother—it's all mothers. Have any of you noticed that, in general, men are more violent than women? Oh, you did? Well, so did every woman for the last 100,000 years. And that some men are less violent than others? Women noticed that, too. It turns out according to the latest ( and most sensible ) theory of what causes gayness ( at least in men ) has to do with this practically universal observation of womenkind and that they have slowly, slowly bred gayness into the human race one relationship at a time.
The big argument against gayness being a favorable genetic trait is that it would eventually cause the extinction of humanity because there'd be no children. So why are there still people, even though in every single human society known, past and present, there are versions of varient sexuality? In other words, every single human culture has had some version of gayness.
Men gallumph around and kill mammoths, beat their chests and drink beer ( which women probably invented ) . Women have, and raise children. Notice the disconnect here? What's to stop men from killing children, beating their mates and drinking THEIR blood? Not much, it turns out.
'Eve' ( even scientists refer to the first woman this way ) certainly noticed this and she had more choices than Adam—there were Killer, Brutus, Snaglefang, Og, Rocky, Slasher and Steve. All the dudes after Adam were too dangerous to hang with, except for Adam's little brother Steve who didn't like sex with women ( but he was a whiz at baby-sitting ) . Adam picked Eve? Ha! Eve ( not God ) picked Adam. Adam, as it turned out, was not a great babysitter, but he was teachable and he certainly didn't want to eat his own kids. And she didn't even mind sex with him after she made him wash off the mammoth blood. So they had lots of kids, 10 that survived: four boys and six girls, and one of the boys was just like Uncle Steve. ( Eve was delighted. Help around the cave was a good thing. ) Eve's sister, Judi, hooked up with Slasher who beat her up regular Tuesdays, Thursdays and all the minor holidays. They had three surviving children, all girls. Slasher really, really didn't like little boys, if you catch my drift. Judi died young—is it a wonder?—and Slasher's second hook-up, Perkianne, took one minor holiday beating and 'accidentally' poisoned him. The survivors invented the wake, a party to celebrate the evil bastard's long overdue death.
Imagine this scenario for 100,000 years all over the earth. Imagine, even in highly patrriarchal societies, women at least attempting, if unable to control marriage, to control the amount of sex. What do you end up with with regard to men, after all this time? Probably fewer men who are outright crazy, violent—men who on some level ( not gustatory ) like children, men who at some point are likely to settle down with a family, and men who do not abandon their families, run off to gamble and chase elands.
In other words a kinder, gentler man was ( still is ) being created. What's the far end of kinder, gentler men? Yup, gay men. You're breeding for them too, only it doesn't matter because you have more kids of all kinds, not just gay ones. By the way if you think it's chauvinistic to say gay guys are kinder, gentler ( better, if you will ) than straight guys here's the sucker punch of proof: police blotters. How many gay bars do police have to break up fights in as opposed to straight bars, even allowing for the percentage differences? Not even close. ( It would be interesting to compare the percentages of gays who kill their spouses as opposed to straight couples who do. )
So who do you end up with in this age-old breeding pattern? The example I know best is me. I think the biggest difference between me and any straight man ( besides who I go to bed with ) is sports. I loathe them. Too violent. My movie criteria? No murders, no killing, no car chases, no torture, no animals harmed ( and they'd better have a decent plot but I suppose a straight guy could want that too ) . Pop music—it's OK but don't insult women or advocate thuggery. Video games? Mostly ghastly—way, way too violent. Sounds pretty wussy, huh? Yeeessss, it is. But do you see that speck on the horizon? It's the result of an audacious plan of an enormous sorority to civilize man ( and make it mankind? ) . That speck? It's me waving to you from the future.
