It's a well-known fact that a Jewish grandmother wants nothing more than to see her grandkids get married and have children. It's what they live for. So when I came to terms with my sexuality and fell in love with a woman, I was sure that telling my grandma was going to send her right to the grave.
We were sitting in a diner, her pear-shaped body wedged into the booth, so short she could barely see over the table. She had on a mint-green pantsuit and a matching peridot ring.
She was sipping her decaf and I told her about Mary, the woman I loved. I expected her to scream, 'I'll never have great-grandchildren! You'll never get married!' But she didn't.
'Are you happy darling?' she asked, patting my hand.
'Yes, very.'
She paused to take another sip of coffee before asking, 'Tell me something. Now I'm totally okay with the gay thing, I mean ya love who ya love am I right or am I right? But tell me something, is she Jewish?'
I didn't say a word, thinking of Mary's strict Catholic upbringing. I wanted to play Jewish mother and just pretend like I didn't hear her, but my silence said it all.
'Ay gavolt! My granddaughter's dating a shikse! Think of the children. They need to be raised Jewish. Oh my G-d I could have goyem great-grandchildren!'
I explained to her that I was nineteen and nowhere close to thinking about marriage and children. But she just continued to shake her head and rapidly breathe in and out.
'A shikse of all things.'
When the relationship went sour, as most teenage love does, Grandma put aside her feelings. So as I lay in my apartment, wearing sweatpants and eating ice cream out of the tub, thinking about how it all went wrong, Grandma was by my side.
'I'm outraged! How could she leave you? You're perfect!'
I just sighed and rolled my eyes.
'You need to forget about her. You're too good for her. Ya hear me? Too good.'
Her words made me feel a little better, but I was nowhere near full recovery.
'Now there's a very nice woman in my PFLAG group,' she continued, 'And she has a daughter, Esther Rosenthal. And guess what? She's single. She's a medical student at U of C or UIC. Anyway, it would be a very good match.'
I rolled my eyes, 'Grandma, I don't need you to set me up on a date.'
'So what? Ya gonna mope around here for the rest of your life?'
'No, I just think I can find my own dates. Besides, I don't think it's right to go out with someone when I still have feelings for someone else.'
'Right shmight. She's a doctor, darling, a doctor!'
She may have a gay granddaughter, but she's still a Jewish grandmother, and no sexuality is going to change that.
Dana Kaye has a BA in fiction writing from Columbia College Chicago. Her work has appeared in PRAGUEmalion, The Story Work Reader and she had a short story adapted for film. She is currently at work on her first novel.