This column's writing presents an intriguing challenge: Spin my nearly-hallucinatory fatigue into literary gold. Let's see what I can't stitch together.
A big, juicy middle finger to Shane at Mary's Attic for shooting me square in the back of my head with his laser-sight rubber dart gun. And if anyone can find 1,001 uses for big, juicy fingers, Shane's your man! Love you, fucker!
A big, juicy apology to Miss Sofia Saffire for not having my shit together enough to do an interview for this issue. I wanted to show the community the softer side of Sofia in anticipation of her hosting the 2011 Windy City Gay Idol finals Sat., June 18. Sofia has grown into her new role as host and fits it like a puzzlingly slender glove. Love her glove at the finals at Sidetrack. I will be offering vodka-soaked bon mots from the judges' mic. Let's hope Sofia takes mercy on my mortal soul. See the center spread for your handy Windy City Gay Idol voting guide.
Suburban? In the mood to vie for a title? Well, you're in lady luck, lady. Sat., June 18 also gives you twocount 'em, twoopportunities to hang your head heavy with crown, namely the Miss Gay Joliet pageant at Maneuvers and the Miss Stonewall pageant at Stonewall Inn. I may have agreed to judge the Miss Stonewall joint, which is later the same night as the Windy City Gay Idol finals. Any kindly gentlemen out there wanna give me a lift to Lyons? I shall reward you handsomely.
I promised not to Facebook tag a certain singer/songwriter in his "brief" debut at Crew. Please refrain from tagging him as well. Mom don't need to see that.
Big ups to Mr. Ouano, Mr. Res-5 and Mr. Meade for all their work in this issue. I'm saving my strength for the big Pride issue, coming June 22. Get ready to see me everywhere in the next few days.
I won't however see you at Midsommarfest. I'll be workin' Pittsburgh. Look for my travel column in the aforementioned Pride issue. Consult Moose's column on page 10 for all the tasty acts ( to see, not to perform ) . And look for our booth at the Fest. Grab a paper, and some love.
Well, not quite gold, huh? Would you give me, at least, tungsten?
MAIN COVER IMAGE:
Sofia and the 12 Windy City Gay Idol finalists
Photo by Kat Fitzgerald, www.MysticImagesPhotography.com
Photo by DJ Res-5