'NEW DELHI, India (AP) - A 9-year-old girl was married to a stray dog in a ceremony attended by more than 100 guests in a village in India's eastern state of Bengal as part of a ritual intended to ward off a bad omen, newspapers reported Thursday.
The girl, Karnamoni Handsa, had to be married quickly to break an evil spell. The girl's father, a poor sharecropper, could not afford the expenses of marrying his daughter to a boy, so he saved money by making a street dog the groom on June 11.'
Other news media also reported on the ritual, which does not interfere with the girl's life. She suffers no stigma and is free to marry later. She doesn't even need to divorce the dog.
Boys and girls, I was shocked when I read the news story above. And as someone who has felt the fire of a purple wand dialed up to high, it takes a lot to shock me. But then I got to thinking about it, and suddenly the prospect of marrying a dog didn't seem so bad.
Other than the freedom to divorce without legal intervention, several benefit scenarios immediately presented themselves, and they made a lot of sense. So, here's a quick list of why it might no be so outrageous to marry a dog, instead of a man:
1) A dog's always horny; he's never too tired; he's never had a bad day. Need I say more?
2) And when you're not horny, he can lick his own damn balls. Aside from leaving you alone when all you want to do is sleep, the sight can be pretty darned arousing, too. Now, while I have known the occasional human male who can contort himself in this way, it's the exception rather than the rule. Not so with canines.
3) Dogs come when you whistle. What could be easier?
4) A dog is never pee shy.
5) A dog is never shy, period … he'll 'dance' with your leg in front of your mama. Now, isn't that refreshing? A dog never needs to be outed … he's comfortable with his desires. Shame means nothing to him … likewise, guilt.
6) Who can do it better doggie-style?
7) A dog accepts you for who you are. They may whimper a little when you're sucking off the UPS man, but they won't think less of you for it, unlike a husband.
8) Dogs are never looking for party favors. They can get high on a bowl of kibble.
9) Dogs pretty much stay at home. You don't have to worry about them going out to Steamworks while you're off at work.
10) And the best reason to marry a dog instead of a man … he licks the (insert body part of choice) that feeds him.