Butch and Kathy were one of those rare lesbian couples whose ardor for each other never dampened. For Butch and Kathy, sex was always hot, always wicked, and never boring, not even in 14 years of being together.
The couple met in the teacher's lounge of _____________ High School. Butch had a way with geometry and Kathy made algebra fun. But it wasn't until Butch's second year that the pair met on intimate terms. And what a meeting! Kathy was alone in the teacher's lounge. She was a full-figured, fiery redhead with a passion for fashion. Mini skirts were enjoying a renewed vogue and Kathy embraced the trend with fervor, because they gave her ample opportunity to show off her gorgeous gams. At 42, Kathy was sizzling hot. And Butch recognized the heat immediately when she came upon the comely Kathy shortly after classes had started. Kathy was bent over a cabinet, looking for a Styrofoam cup when Butch, 32, and on the 'tomboyish' side (her only concession to fashion was the blonde highlights in her cropped brown hair) walked silently into the lounge. She gasped at the sight confronting her: Kathy had bent over so far that her skirt had ridden up to expose what in Butch's mind could only be described as Heaven. It helped a lot that Kathy had made the choice not to wear panties that day, due to the heat and the fact that without them, her Vivian Westwood raw silk mini skirt would have a smooth, uninterrupted line. Butch was tempted to whistle, but fate and a devious, playful intellect conspired to create one of the most unusual introductions two women had ever shared. Butch, to cool her hot tongue on this sweltering Indian summer day, had just bought a banana Popsicle. Suddenly, it seemed to her that her mouth was no longer the best repository for the frozen treat. Boys and girls, I'll let you imagine the rest. Suffice it to say that Kathy had about her the unmistakable aroma of banana the remainder of the day.
With such an introduction, it's not so surprising that one of the pair met a spectacularly unconventional fate. Butch and Kathy had long shared a three-story manse in Winnetka (never mind how they could afford it). Inspired by a spate of reality show daring do, the two decided to incorporate some 'extreme' activity into their lovemaking. Kathy positioned herself on the sidewalk in front of their house, holding a Jeff Stryker dildo firmly in place on the pavement. Butch planned on leaping from the third story, culminating in an astonishing, spread-eagled four-point landing atop the phallic stand-in. The powerful insertion, both were sure, would lead to perhaps one of the most intense orgasms Butch had ever experienced.
Oh, boys and girls, you know that such reckless behavior could only lead to disaster. When Butch hit the pavement, completely on target too, the only feeling she experienced was a sense of profound regret before she lost consciousness, never to regain it. Butch is being waked at Sappho Sin Mountain Funeral Home in Calumet City. The widow requests that donations in Butch's memory be made to a fund for wayward girls in need of fashion sense.