Unlike straight couples, gay male couples can't rely on telltale signs of infidelity such as lipstick on the collar (although if he's hanging out at the Baton, or other such venues, where men become glamorous gals, maybe the lipstick on the collar, or further south, is a sign). But for the purposes of this column, let's just say we can't rely too much on the lingering scent of perfume or a little red on his collar that has nothing to do with a shaving nick for signs of extramarital wick dipping.
So how do you tell if the man with whom you share bed, bath, and beyond with is fooling around? It's important to know, because, aside from being made a fool of, your Mr. Right may be bringing you home some interesting gifts that you won't discover until your next check up, or until it burns when you pee, or something like that.
Here are some things to look for:
Pecker tracks: Does he have semen stains in his underwear (the unique aspect of this for gay males is that these stains can appear either on the front or back of his briefs)? These signs usually appear after furtive liaisons at a bookstore or park (you know which ones!), when your honey buttons up his pants right quick.
Computer tracks: If you have a Windows-based system, it's easy to see what he's been up to, simply by clicking on 'My Computer,' then your C drive. There, you can find a history of Web sites visited (under History) or check the Temporary Internet files for a mother lode of information.
Scents: Have some common sense. If he doesn't smoke and smells like smoke when he returns from the gym or a movie with his best gal pal, it's likely he's been checking out getting a workout or some entertainment at one of our many local watering holes.
Caller ID: If you're seeing lots of guys' names appearing on your Caller ID, especially when you're out of the house, or even the suspicious 'private' display, then you might have cause to wonder what kind of chatting your mate is doing when you're not around.
If you're really suspicious, you can even go through his drawers, pockets, wallets, and other personal belongings for strange phone numbers, bathhouse membership cards, receipts that add up only in the mathematical sense (honey, why the purchase of the enema bag at Walgreens when I was out of town last weekend?), addresses, especially those on streets like Cornelia or Roscoe, or simply anything that just doesn't feel quite right.
Of course, if you've gotten to the stage where you're doing high maintenance surveillance of your boyfriend, either he has serious issues with fidelity, or you have serious issues with trust, neither of which bode well for your future together. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean he isn't sneaking around. In the end, trust is like faith; it's a decision you make based on the evidence at your disposal. Just remember, dig deep enough and you might find something you don't like. Don't dig deep enough, and you may catch something you don't like. Either way, you're screwed. Ain't love grand?
