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  NIGHTSPOTS

Tales from the Sexual Underground Cunning Linguist
by Rick Reed
2003-11-19

This article shared 1769 times since Wed Nov 19, 2003
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A while back I wrote a column with obscure sexual terms I found on the Internet and it was a very popular piece (like me!) So, I thought, since it felt so good the first time, I should do it again. No, these aren't the same terms. So in the interest of keeping my readers up to date with the latest sexual lexicon, here are the terms I've come up with as I cruised (wait, I mean searched) the Internet, doing more legitimate research.

The Bronco: When you're with your boyfriend and you get in the old reliable doggie style position. When his sighs and moans let you know that he's really getting into it, shout out another guy's name. This gives you the sensation of riding a bronco as he tries to buck you off.

Couch Bombing: Innovative masturbation! Fill a Baggie with Crisco (or any other lard), put it between the cushions of your couch, think about Vin Diesel and fuck away. No need to even buy it dinner or a drink first.

Dog In A Bathtub: Ever tried sticking your nuts up another guy's ass? This is so called because it's often as difficult as keeping a dog in a bathtub.

The Hindenburg: When you're in the back room at some sleazy bar and some horrible cocksucker is going down on you, scream "Oh, the humanity ... " when his teeth scrape you.

The Pig Roast: When you're fucking a guy while he's blowing someone else. The resulting tableau is reminiscent of a pig on a spit.

The Racehorse: Order this one at your favorite leather bar. It's a shot that mixes vodka and a squirt of the bartender's piss. A few other drinks are a good idea beforehand.

Shrimping: The accepted term for sucking a sex partner's toes.

The Menthol: When you're getting head from someone who just consumed a lot of cough drops and you get a cool, tingly feeling on your cock ... that's The Menthol. Nothing to do with smoking ... well, maybe, if you're lucky, as a figure of speech.

Shop Vac: When one of those Halsted Street sluts stuff all your goodies in his mouth (balls and all), his amazing suction power earns him the moniker, Shop Vac.

The Viennese Oyster: This is when your partner of choice can put his or her legs behind his or her ears. It's a pretty sight, but can lead to a broken back.

Got some of your own unusual terms? Send 'em to me at jimmyfels@yahoo.com and who knows? Maybe you can be in the middle of my next pig roast.

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This article shared 1769 times since Wed Nov 19, 2003
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