What's the difference between Whole Foods in Houston and Whole Foods in Chicago? No this isn't a joke, I only wish it was. Whole Foods in Houston has an armed security guard standing outside. So do some of the restaurants.
Armed guards at Whole Foods? What are they frightened of? ... Tofu terrorists, black bean bandits, veggie burger vigilantes?
In a state that deals with murderers by murdering them, and where Jesus hangs on the church wall and asks, "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you here to worship me?" I suppose it's not surprising that some Texans harbor this John Wayne/Alamo mentality.
I was dragged kicking and screaming to Houston for a couple of days last week. It was my first visit to Texas. Houston looks like one big Naperville to me. "Oh I've run out of milk, better get in the car and drive 40 minutes to the store." None of that running out to the Korean store on the corner wearing stretchpants and slippers. None of that passing your neighbor walking their dog, or saying hi to the mailman. Or smiling at the guy who just moved in four doors away ... "Is he gay? He looks gay ... ."
Oh no, in Houston, you drive across town for that carton of milk. You fight for a parking space at the supermarket, you pass the armed security guard, you fight your way up the aisle with the cart, stand at the checkout for 20 minutes ( the asshole in front of you has made a "complicated purchase" ) , get in the car and drive back across town. You speak to no-one. The human race is merely an obstacle between you and that carton of milk. Then when you get home, murderous with road rage, all you want to do is go to Whole Foods, pull out a handgun and wipe out everyone behind the salad counter. "Take that, you motherfuckin' carrot-juice swallowing son-of-a-bitch."
I pity the gay community in Houston, they have an uphill struggle. I don't mean this as a "better than thou thing," just a "that's the way it is thing," but Chicago's gay community is light years ahead when it comes to political clout. Chicago has a city-sanctioned gay neighborhood where hardly any gay people live—beat that!!
But I did enjoy what I saw of gay life in Houston. I went to a bar called the Briar Patch, a piano bar where the guys stand around and sing showtunes, and another bar called Mary's, described to me by a local as "a toilet, but we love it."
My "Souvenir of Houston" purchase was a large bottle of Ram; an excellent Video Head Cleaner imported from Britain. My Video Heads have never been so sparkly ...
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Martin in England e-mailed me with the final result of their Big Brother TV show: "The winner was gay Brian! The shock is that Brian got more votes than Tony Blair got to be Prime Minister! One million more votes were cast for Big Brother than for the British General Election. Brian also got onto the front page of the Times and was called the 'gay air steward.' This is the first time the Times has used the word gay; they usually say homosexual."
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Non-Wacky Web of the Week: Check out the new Gerber/Hart Library website at www.gerberhart.org/
It's a cool one. And don't forget the Gerber/Hart Library porn sale at Touche's on Aug. 10 at 9 p.m. I'll be hosting the sale, so come along and say Hi Sukie.
The next web is from my friend Kinny Gardner, who played Riff Raff in the original British stage production of the Rocky Horror Show, and it's a very different take on religion: www.landoverbaptist.org/
And Mookie has found a transvestite with a mission at www.skirtman.org/
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Drag kings, drag queens, any humanoid with a wig will be attending Wigstock Chicago this year on Friday, Aug. 31, at 7:30 p.m. at the Chicago Theater. The Chicago Area Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce have pulled together some big names from all over the country, including: Lady Bunny, Angelique Lee, Alexandra St. James, Baton Cast, Candis Cayne, Cashetta, ChiChi Larue, Circuit Mom, Crystal, Dana International, Daisy Mae, Dawn Perignon, Delilah Bouvier, Godiva, Harmonica Sunbeam, Honey West, Jackie Beat, Joey Arias, Kevin Aviance, Lady Chablis, Lily O' The Alley, Madame X, Meisha, Miss Foozie, Miss Ronnie, Miss Ketty, Raven O, ROTC, Sade, Shaquida, Sugar Pie Cocoa, Sweet Pussy Pauline, Tempura.
You'll be hearing a lot about Wigstock in the next couple of weeks. Look out for the ads in Windy City Times, or visit www.alivewithpride.com for more information.
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Here's another upcoming event, and this one is free. The Chicago Park District is sponsoring a series of outdoor movies. So click your heels and go to Oz Park ( 2021 N. Burling —between Webster and Dickens ) on Thursday, Aug. 16 at 8 p.m. to see the Wizard of Oz. Let's make the event gay. Don't forget to bring a blanket and a picnic basket.
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Book of the Week: Noirotica 3: Stolen Kisses, Edited by Tom Roche ( Black Books Paperback $16 ) Twenty-five erotic short stories in the crime fiction/mystery genre by some of the best writers in the country. No-one describes the book better than Good Vibrations Catalog: "Tougher and meaner than a Drano milkshake, this book is our reviewer's favorite new pick. Old-fashioned crime noir collides with explicit erotica in the latest installment of this genre-defining critically acclaimed series."
The best story in the book—I laughed so hard my butt-plug fell out—is Private Dick by ... Sukie de la Croix.
Oh what shameless self-promotion!!
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If you don't know about Grinder already, then drop into the Coffee and Tea Exchange at 1100 W. Thorndale on Thursdays at 8. Grinder is Scott Free's baby and he nurtures some of the best talent in Chicago and also those traveling minstrels who happen to be passing through.
Last week was particularly fabulous. The Prince Myshkins—remember the name, you will be hearing it again—and wordsmith Corey Black, with a guest appearance from Sean Wiggins.
