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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Street Walkin' With Sukie
the low down and dirty: clubs, bars, shows
by Sukie de la Croix
2003-04-16

This article shared 1423 times since Wed Apr 16, 2003
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According to News of the Weird, and picked up from the Australian Courier-Male, a surgeon in India recently completed his first penis transplant.

Dr. Ashok Ray removed a 'troublesome second penis' from a one-year-old boy and transplanted it onto a baby boy who was born without one.

What I want to know is this: If the transplanted penis was OK for the boy without a penis, then why didn't they leave it on the first boy.

If I'd been born with two penises, I'd be very upset if they cut one off. I NEED two penises. The best piece of advice my mother ever gave me was, 'Always keep a spare.' Of course, she was talking about teapots at the time, but I took it to heart. A spare penis would be a godsend.

Two penises would be absolutely fabulous; think of the money you could earn from the 'specialist market': Porn videos, mugs, T-shirts, Puppetry of the Penis—A One Man/Two Penis Show (they could lip-synch duets: Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb, Barbara Streisand and Frank Sinatra, Elton John and Ru Paul, Archie and Edith Bunker …), and with two penises you can have threesomes with just two of you.

+++

I stumbled on this piece of nonsense on the Internet. It's the 10 Characteristics of the Average Homosexual from the 1933 book Strange Loves: A Study in Sexual Abnormalities by Dr. La Forest Potter. He was talking about male homosexuals as lesbians didn't really exist back then. Are you really gay? How many do you score on this list? 1) Large, easily aroused nipples. 2) Mincing walk. 3) Sloped and rounded shoulders. 4) Thick, luxuriant hair. 5) Hairless chest. 6) Soft, delicate skin. 7) A peculiar swinging motion of the hips. 8) Lack of willpower, perseverance, and 'dogmatic energy.' 9) Considerable deposit of fat in the region of the hips, breasts, and thighs. 10) Abnormally wide hips and 'feminine' buttocks.

I scored three. No, I do not have 'Abnormally wide hips and 'feminine' buttocks, in spite of what you may have heard on the sour grapevine.

+++

In Scotland, Valerie Haney, 36, the daughter of a ruthless gangster, has secretly married her cell-mate, heavily tattooed Vivienne Gilchrist, 48, in the first gay wedding inside a Scots jail.

The two women are both serving time for dealing heroin and they met while attending anger management classes in prison.

Who said romance was dead?!!

+++

I think the reason I support transgender rights so easily, is because I have no interest whatsoever in how anyone else identifies their gender. It's irrelevant to me. If you say you're a woman, you're a woman, even if you've got a full beard, a nine-inch cock, and can arm-wrestle Mike Tyson and win. I don't need proof; I don't need you dropping your drawers and flashing me a mixed bag of genitalia. You is what you say you is.

However, trans-person equality aside, I do sympathize with the women who did not win the Make Your Mother's Day contest in Manchester, England. The winner was post-op former biker, Tommy Buckley, now known as Karen, who was nominated by her partner, Pete Keefe.

The problem is that the winner of this mother-of-the-year-type contest was pulled out of a hat and Karen won. The second problem is that her partner nominated her because she is the perfect mother to two adorable Shih-Tzu's, Sooty and Cindy.

The happy couple won a romantic limousine ride to an expensive restaurant and a bouquet of flowers. The other mothers who were nominated are pissed. I don't blame them!!


This article shared 1423 times since Wed Apr 16, 2003
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