I read in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that Danny Buggs, a DeKalb County schools motivational speaker suspended last year for making homophobic remarks, has been ordered to begin a course of diversity training classes.
Six years ago I may have agreed with diversity training, but over recent years I've read about hundreds of Danny Buggs' shooting their fat mouths off, and quite frankly my dears I'm sick of it.
Diversity training doesn't work with stupid people. However, a well-placed blow to the head with a baseball bat does tend to inspire the recipient to a drastic re-thinking of his/her philosophy on life, the universe, and things in general.
Diversity training may present the homophobe with positive images of gay people going about their dreary day-to-day business, but three days in intensive care with the potential of permanent brain damage and loss of sight, really gets the message home.
And the icing on the cake is that the homophobe gets to pay the medical bills.
I'm not suggesting that anyone do anything I wouldn't do myself. So I'll swing the baseball bat if I have to. I'd do it in a sensitive manner too: the homophobe would kneel before me and I would say to them, 'Every time you make a homophobic remark, a gay person somewhere gets beaten up. And this is what it feels like.'
Then I'd take a swing with the baseball bat and whack 'em upside the head—in a sympathetic and caring way. Voila!! The homophobe instantly rethinks his views on homosexuality. OK, so it has the potential of going horribly wrong i.e. the homophobe could end up in the zippy ward dribbling oatmeal down his/her straitjacket for the rest of his/her life. Now be honest. If that happened, would you care? Would you really care?
No you wouldn't care, and that's because we're all sick of this bullshit, aren't we boys and girls. Yes we are.
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I know many Christians read this column and you often ask yourself, when confronted with a dilemma, 'What would Jesus do?'
I do the same thing, except it's not Jesus with me, because I'm am atheist. My role models change, so it's whomever I admire at that particular moment e.g. I could be buying pop tarts in a supermarket and I'm choosing between one brand and another; I'd think, 'What pop tarts would Rasputin buy?' Or, if I was shopping for a lesbian friend, I might ask myself, 'What feminine hygiene products would Charles Manson buy?'
And so, if you ever wondered what your Christian God thought about nudism, go visit cheef.com/christian/verses.shtml for a list of instances the word 'naked' is mentioned in the Bible.
As you make your way around the Web site, you will also find the words to Christian nudist songs, and nudist gossip like Billy Graham went skinny-dipping in the White House pool with President Lyndon Johnson.
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Thinking about where to take your vacation this year? Phuket!!
That's right, Phuket in Thailand is setting itself up to be 'the gay hub' … whatever that means!! Phuket promises 'safety, sun, wonderful sandy beaches, a colorful gay community and a sparkling night life.'
You can read all about it at gayphuket.com/festival/
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According to Scotland's Daily Record, a mother has left her 6-year-old daughter to the child's lesbian aunt in her will. The husband is now fighting for custody of the child.
I only mention this story in passing in case anyone out there is thinking of leaving a child to me in their will. I know it's unlikely, but I want it on record that if I inherit a child, I will go straight off to the vet to have it put down. I'm also a fairly good cook and child au gratin is well within the spectrum of my culinary skills.
