Judging by how many people stopped me and mentioned the article, I guess most of you remember a couple of weeks back when I wrote about buying a pair of women's dancers' hose and pondering the efficiency of the dribble pad between the legs?
… Well, turns out it's not to catch dribbles. Who knew?
A woman reader phoned the office and left this voicemail: 'I'm a nurse, and I've just read the Feb. 5 Windy City Times. I hate to burst your 'boy knows everything about girl' bubble, but those are not dribble pads, those are put in to prevent vaginal infection. Some years ago it was determined by doctors that nylon, as in underwear and swimming suits and panty hose, do not breathe well, and so a cotton liner was mandated. It might even be law, I don't know for sure. Now every pair of nylon undergarments has a cotton insert pad … or, as you call it, a dribble pad. I don't think guys have this problem because they don't wear a lot of nylon to my knowledge.'
So now we know boys!! One question though … I want to know if the cotton insert is actually a legal requirement. Do we have any lawyers or law students out there who can answer this vital question e.g. If I rip the cotton insert out of my hose and dance around in them outside a police station, will I be arrested, thrown in a cell and ruthlessly gang-raped by cops? …Handcuffed with cops taking it in turns to pound my … Umm … anyway, where was I? Moving on …
The Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is Bravo's new stab at gay programming. In a one-hour show a square straight guy is made-over into a hip straight guy by a team of five gay men; this includes redecorating a room in their home, hair, manicure, tips on fashion, etiquette, food and wine, and a complimentary BJ … OK I lied about the last one.
I'd love to be one of the experts on that show. I can make a straight man hip better than anybody else, I swear I can!! My first tip would be: Before you get into bed at night, paint your toenails Jungle Red, wear a peep-hole bra and lipstick your nipples. This will send your wife into a passionate frenzy!!'
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy sounds like a bunch of crap to me, and you know what that means; it means we're going to watch it every single week and be ABSOLUTELY GLUED TO THE SCREEN.
I guess we've come a long way since the first openly gay person to appear on TV, and that was Terry, the president of the Los Angeles chapter of the lesbian group, the Daughters of Bilitis (DOB). She was interviewed on camera by Paul Coates during the 1962 DOB convention. History lesson over.
News of the Weird reports on an article in the Jornal de Noticias about hemorrhoid-suffering pilgrims trekking to Murtosa, Portugal, to rub the affected body part against a statue of St. Goncalo, hoping for relief, since the 13th-century priest was known for curing acne.
Actually—and I swear I'm not making this up —there is a patron saint of hemorrhoids, and it's not Goncalo, it's St. Quirinus, who was arrested in Hungary during the Diocletian persecutions in 308AD, and eventually tossed into the river with a stone around his neck. His body was then fished out and shipped to Rome, where he continues to work miracles.
So, if you suffer from hemorrhoids, I suggest you go to the Vatican and take the cure.
You see how educational this column is. This week you've learned about vaginal infections, who the first out gay person on TV was, and where to go in the Vatican to get anal relief.