I was talking to someone the other day about JFK and this person described him as 'a good-looking man.' He was many things, but I don't think JFK was a hottie. He only 'seemed' good looking compared to other world leaders. I don't think Clinton or Gore are particularly hot either.
In fact, once I started thinking about it, I couldn't come up with one world leader, past or present, who I would have any sexual contact with whatsoever. They're all butt ugly.
Imagine going down on Yasser Arafat. (I should have stated at the beginning of this article that you should keep your vomit bags close by.) What about Mahatma Ghandi, the Indian guy with the droopy diaper … oooh noooo …
Jimmy Carter? Nice guy, but I don't want him walking into my bedroom waving a Jeff Stryker dildo and wearing a thong.
Margaret Thatcher … oomph! There goes my breakfast. Is that miserable old bitch dead yet? When she walked into a room the mirrors cracked and pregnant women aborted!!
No, it's absolutely true, to be a world leader, you have to be butt-ugly. Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Idi Amin … UGGGLEEE.
Remember those meetings between Thatcher and Reagan back in the '80s … thank god they never fucked and had children, that's all I can say. Which brings me to the point of this piece; I think world leaders should be sterilized, so they don't pass their butt-ugly genes onto the next generation.
In fact, why not lock up all the world leaders in top -security jails—so we don't have to look at them—and release Mumia Abu-Jamal; now there's a beautiful man!! Beautiful in every sense of the word …
Thanks again to Lee for finding me this informative Web site about penis size: iomfats.org/resources/averagesize.htm
It reads: 'Here are the statistics on erect penis lengths for white college men, in quarter-inch lengths measured by The Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research (from the point where the penis meets the body along the top to its tip). Please note that Kinsey himself had, according to some commentators, an unusual and flawed sampling technique.'
So here's my question for the readers: What was Kinsey's unusual and flawed sampling technique? Does anybody know? E-mail me at email@example.com .
And also, if Kinsey's sampling technique was flawed, then I'm doing a proper scientific survey of my own. If you're a Black male between the ages of 30-50 and you see me out and about, then just whip out your erect penis and I'll measure it … for scientific purposes only, of course.
And while we're on the subject of a gay man's favorite topic, let's talk about penoplasty.
I read an interesting article on gay.comUK about how you can increase the length and width of your penis with surgery.
'By making a small incision above the base of the penis, we can release the penile suspensory ligament. The penis can be brought forward, thereby lengthening it externally by typically 1-2 inches.
'Men with prominent pubic fat pads will gain more length, if for example they have a 2-inch fat pad, and 1.5 inches is removed, this additional 1.5 inch gain will be supplemental to the extension gained by releasing the suspensory ligament. The increase in length is in the flaccid position only.'
… uhh … I'll run that last line past you again. 'The increase in length is in the flaccid position only.'
And the point of this is … ?
FYI: Do you know the origins of the jock strap?
Apparently, we can thank the cobblestone streets of Boston and bicycling. In 1897, male bike riders in Boston got sick of their equipment bouncing around and so BIKE manufacturing company invented the 'bicycle jockey strap.'
I also heard that riding a bicycle in Boston has given a large number of nuns their first sexual orgasm.
Go to the gift shop at www.whitehouse.org/
It's not what you think.