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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Street Walkin' With Sukie
the low down and dirty: clubs, bars, shows
by Sukie de la Croix
2003-01-15

This article shared 1144 times since Wed Jan 15, 2003
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People stop and ask me this all the time, 'Who do you think will win in the 44th Ward, Tunney or Ingram?' (Like nobody else is running.) Well, I don't live in the 44th Ward, so I guess it doesn't really matter what I think.

But I'll be diplomatic and say I'm 50/50 on the issue, which means if I did live in the ward I'd have a tough decision to make. Mmm! … What would swing my vote one way or the other?

I'd probably have to vote for Tom Tunney because of his delicious cinnamon buns. That would tip him over to 51 percent with me.

However, all is not lost for Richard Ingram. I've never actually tasted Mr. Ingram's buns, so who's to say they're not tastier than Mr. Tunney's?

So, to be fair to all the candidates, if anyone out there has tasted Richard Ingram's buns, please e-mail me at sukiedelacroix@ozhasspoken.com

I will print your letter. Oh yes, you know I'll print it.

+++

Thanks to those wacky Raelian's helping the Dutch lesbian to clone herself, heterosexuality has now become redundant. What use are straight people now? The only use I can think of is putting them in the yard as gnomes; maybe they could sit there and fish in a pond …

… Or maybe they could hold up bookshelves. Or what about having a heterosexual next to the bed and using their rear end as a handy dildo holder. I'm now working on a book: 101 Things To Do With a Redundant Heterosexual.

I know, I'm being mean to heterosexuals, when some of them are really quite nice, like Ald. Helen Shiller. I don't know the woman personally—I mean, I've never tasted her buns—but she seems very pro-gay.

+++

What's happening? More lesbians having babies!! The first baby of the New Year in the Washington area was a 4lb. 12oz girl who has two mommies. The grandfather told the press the baby would have a 'traditional' upbringing.

Uhhuh … and what else happens on his planet? It's a pity, but we haven't advanced so far that having two moms is in any way 'traditional.'

Which brings me back to the Raelian Lesbian Clone Baby No 2. Remember the big fuss made over the book Heather Has Two Mommies? What are the Christians going to do when this cloned baby's book comes out … Clone Baby No 2 Has Two DNA Strands & One Genetic Donor.

All hell is about to break loose.

Although, I don't understand why it should, because this is not the first time cloning has taken place. If I put myself into a Judeo-Christian frame of mind, the first incidence of cloning was an Act of God.

God made Adam, then took one of his ribs and created Eve. Duh! Cloning, right! This supports my theory that God hates heterosexual sex. God created Adam as both male and female, then took Adam's feminine rib and created a woman: Result: The world's first cloning experiment. OK it backfired on God when Adam and Eve started breeding and had two sons, Cane and Abel. Now, if God had meant there to be heterosexuals, he would have had them create Cane and Mabel, right? Anyway …

… So after thousands of years, heterosexuality proves to be a monumental failure, so God tries to teach us about cloning again. In the New Testament He impregnates Mary with his son Jesus. Was Jesus a clone of God? Did Jesus have God's DNA?

I think this Raelian cloning business is God rapping his knuckles on our collective heads for a third time and saying, 'Hello! Anybody home? I keep telling you that you don't need a man and a woman to procreate.'

Far from HATING FAGS, I think God IS A FAG.


This article shared 1144 times since Wed Jan 15, 2003
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