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Street Walkin' With Sukie
the low down and dirty: clubs, bars, shows
by Sukie de la Croix
2003-01-08

This article shared 1274 times since Wed Jan 8, 2003
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This can't be right. News of the Weird reports on a story in the Sydney Morning Herald that says British Army officers looking for recruits on the island of Fiji are alarmed by the number of men with marbles sewn under the skin of their penises. Apparently, this heightens pleasure during sex.

So that's what a sex toy is!!

To be honest with you, I'm not unfamiliar with this little 'games' fetish; back in the '70s I had a Monopoly board sewn into my scrotum, and though I shouldn't gossip …

… I have heard that Joan Jett-Blakk has a Slinky up her ass, and she got the idea from Jody Foster.

Whatever gets you through the night.

+++

I see the book-burning brigade have been at it again. The Supreme Court of Canada recently ruled that a British Columbia school board should not have banned books at the kindergarten and Grade 1 level that depicted same-sex parents.

The school board had banned three books: Asha's Mums, Belinda's Bouquet and One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dads, Blue Dads; all books that depict same-sex parents in a favorable light.

Maybe if the books had been called Faggots Are the Spawn of Satan, Alice's Two Mommies Are Killed, and Nazi Johnny Kills Two Ass Bandits, then everything would have been OK.

I mean, heterosexuality is superior, isn't it? Look at Whitney and Bobby … a model marriage.

+++

I have a morbid fascination with homophobes; everyone likes a car crash, but some of these guys are 50-car pile-ups every time they open their mouths.

Phil Burress, president of the Citizens for Community Values (CVV), a group that stripper and club owner, Angelina Spencer, calls 'The Ohio Taliban,' is one of my favorites. A complete asswipe … I love him!!

Apart from campaigning against gay rights, Burgess' main fight is against porn. He recently came out of the closet as an ex-porn user: X-rated movies, magazines, nude dancers, and hard-core Internet sites.

The tactics of the CCV are priceless; volunteers hang out in local strip clubs and take notes on the goings-on. They also go to stores and search for sexually explicit material.

What's that all about? Creepy huh?

As president, Burress is paid $87,581 a year plus benefits. Vicki, Burress' third wife (yep, THREE wives), works for her husband as CCV's victim assistance coordinator. Salary is more than $28,167 plus benefits.

That's over $100,000 a year for sniffing out porn and stopping gay rights. Nice job.

According to the Cincinnati Enquirer, Mrs. Burress' role in the organization is to view the porn videos, then write summaries for her husband, 'So he can speak to groups, lobby legislators or persuade prosecutors.' Burress himself cannot view the porn because he was once a 'victim' of it.

Vicki Burress is one hot and horny babe …

+++

It's a very sad story about the two Iranian sisters joined at the head for 28 years. Hopefully, they will soon be successfully separated by doctors in Singapore.

Reuters reports that Ladan, one of the twins, said, 'We are two completely separate individuals who are stuck to each other. We have different world views, we have different lifestyles, we think very differently about issues.'

You can probably guess my first thought; what if one of them is a lesbian. Can you imagine!! Oral sex is out for both of them: the lesbian and the straight one. Well, it's possible, but not very pretty for the other one.

Of course, if it was two gay men joined at the head, they'd be making a fortune doing porn videos for the 'specialist market.' And what if both the conjoined gay men were into bondage, except one is a top and one a bottom … I can't even work that one out.

Worst of all though, what if you were joined at the head for 28 years with some queen who hummed Sondheim songs? Arrggghhhh! I'm sorry, I'd buy a gun and blow their brains out.

Uhhh …

Doctors are grappling with issues of medical ethics, legal consent and arrangements for the twins' post-operative care.

The law graduate sisters, who occasionally suffer from severe headaches, were turned away by German doctors in 1996 after tests showed that separating them could be fatal.

The sisters were 'extremely upbeat,' Goh said, but the twins will be left with a one-and-a-half palm-size cavity at the side of their heads if surgery does go ahead and risk death or permanent brain damage.

The operation is expected to cost around $300,000 but doctors are donating their services.

In April 2001, doctors at Singapore General Hospital separated the fused skulls and intertwined brains of 11-month-old Nepali girls Jamuna and Ganga Shrestha in a four-day operation.

Goh was the lead surgeon for the Nepali twins.


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