My social life this week has been hampered by testicle difficulties i.e. I think I must have sat on one of them. I'd like to say that someone else sat on one of them, but then I'd be lying through my teeth. I could say that my testicle difficulties were the result of someone's over-zealous teeth, but then I'd be lying about that too.
I've spent the last week dropping my pants and asking friends, 'Does this one look red or swollen, I can't tell from up here?'
'Are they supposed to be that white,' said Joan Jett-Blakk, 'Well, they're sort of pink really.'
'They look the same size to me,' said Corey Black. 'Maybe they're both swollen,' he added unhelpfully. 'Maybe you got too physical at Creagh's karaoke the other night.'
This is the kind of logic I expect from the writers at Nightspots. Creagh's karaoke nights can give you a sore testicle. It's not like I was up there doing Chubby Checker and damaged myself during a vigorous 'Twist' routine.
I'm pretty sure that whatever happened to me 'down there' happened at Creagh's karaoke night at the Closet though. Here we go again … Phil Lasheo and I dropped into Different Strokes to pick up some ad artwork from Frankie Da Kat. Two cocktails and we're leaving …
Heard that one before!! Numerous cocktails later and we head for the door, only to be stopped by Frankie. 'We're going to see Creagh at the Closet.'
Before I could say, 'Are we?' we were all heading south.
Closet, nice bar, fun crowd. Phil Lasheo got up and sang Roy Orbison's 'Oh Pretty Woman,' and Frankie took over the stage and stole the show as always. I think it must have happened when I was dancing with Frankie.
It certainly didn't happen at Chix Mix. Or at the Barony Slave Auction at Cell Block … although, I wouldn't be the first person to get their balls twisted at Cell Block.
Anyway, I want to apologize to Joe at the Manhandler. I was supposed to go down and listen to his Sisters of Mercy tape, but see above for why I didn't turn up.
One good thing that did come out of going to Creagh's karaoke that night is that I got to meet the fabulous Ambrosia Salad. Look out for her appearing at Cocktail in another one of Demanda Bump's amazing parties. Love you, Demanda …
I guess I've been spelling Teriyake wrong, it should be Teri Yake, like I give a shit. Go see her shows on Sunday nights at Charlie's.
Hot Tips: Jackhammer any time of the week, but especially when Chicago Beef are performing on Monday nights about midnight. Hot or what?
Get your ass out to the 2nd Annual OPALGA Drag Show at Temptations on March 22. Last year they put on a stunning show and this year they've got appearances by the Chicago Kings. There's a $10 donation and the show starts at 9 p.m. While we're on the subject of the Kings, would Billy Gemini please contact me at the office or e-mail me at email@example.com
… we're due for a photo-shoot. I know you don't know what I'm talking about, but you will when you phone me.
Mark your calendars: The Barony is doing their annual Dragocious show at the Baton March 31. Show times at 8 p.m. & 10 p.m. For tickets contact: ChicagoBaroness2@yahoo.com or call 773-529-7368. You might want to get your ticket, because last year you couldn't fucking move in the place.