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  NIGHTSPOTS

Strap this On
by Lisa Rock
2005-04-06

This article shared 1537 times since Wed Apr 6, 2005
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Even though it's freezing outside and may snow tomorrow, I am trying to think warm. I imagine the peppermint-Schnapps-laced hot chocolate I just had will help out as well. Spring is truly right around the corner, which of course means so is summer. I've been trying to get that bathing suit figure in better shape for some time now. With the inspiration of the Gay Games a little over a year away, I've been working out harder. Here are my ways of getting those extra pounds off and yes, this time, I'll keep it off. So Strap This On for Spring:

The Top Ten Ways to Shed a Few Extra Pounds

10 ) Gay Games: Nothing like the idea of seeing other lesbians in their bathing suits at the swimming competition to keep me on my diet. Let me help you stretch that out.

9 ) Liquid Diet: If it's in liquid form or goes into a drink, you can have it. I suggest a variety of drinks such as Bloody Marys for breakfast ( don't forget the celery ) , Malibu Rum and cokes for lunch ( with lime for your citrus fix ) , amaretto sours for dinner ( with cherries for your fruit group ) , and a nice cream sherry for dessert.

8 ) Exercise More: Every time you feel hungry, exercise more. Or like I do, put Robin in front of the treadmill and have her lift her shirt up. This not only gets my heart rate going, it gives me a goal.

7 ) All Veggie Diet: Of course, this seems simple enough. I say burn some extra calories by playing hide and seek with the veggies. Disclaimer: Nightspots is not responsible for lost veggies and any weight gain or loss during any of these diets.

6 ) Eating Less: Have six small meals instead of three. If you're hungry, you can still eat less but drink more. Fill up on Martinis between meals. My favorites are dirty, apple and white chocolate.

5 ) Eating More: The more you eat her, the less time you have to eat what you shouldn't be. Try it. She'll like it.

4 ) Sex Diet: This is the diet where every time you get hungry for something you shouldn't eat, you have to have sex ( alone or with someone ) . Either way you're burning calories.

3 ) The 'If You Can Eat It Off Of Your Partner, It Doesn't Have Calories' Diet.

2 ) Bush Diet: While I know the space between his ears is as empty as most people's gas tanks, this diet can work. Because gas is so high, you're forced to walk more and bike more ( and eat less because food prices are high as well ) . Thanks, Junior. Next, let's try giving away our jobs, too. Oh, too late. You've already accomplished that.

1 ) Social Security Diet: This diet involves eating more and exercising less. Make sense? No. That's why it's called the Social Security Diet. Brought to you by the guy who bought an oil company, couldn't find any oil in TEXAS, sold all his stock and made it go bankrupt.

Lisa Rock can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com . My red-headed vixen, Robin, is at Metropolis Performing Arts in ( appropriately ) The Vagina Monologues Wednesdays. Go to www.metropolisarts.com for more information.


This article shared 1537 times since Wed Apr 6, 2005
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