The first lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender public high school is set to open in New York City this fall. It's going to be called the Harvey Milk High School and will enroll about one hundred students. Personally, I wouldn't want to go back to high school. I had my share of taunting and terrorizing from homophobic, intellectually inferior buffoons who probably cheat on their wives and live the dull boring lives they attempted to invite me into. But this high school will be a dream come true for so many students who have had to endure this. While I'm generally not one for any form of segregation, I'm going to watch this school with awe and envy for what they'll be free to do openly. Let's take a walk through a day in the life of this wet dream come true.
The Top Ten Greatest Things About
Having a GLBT High School
10) Locker rooms. You won't have to look away. Showers will be pleasurable.
9) Athletics. There would be an unbeatable women's softball, basketball, rugby and soccer team.
8) New York City. The celebrity guests will be falling over themselves to show their solidarity. I can see Susan Sarandon being one of the first guest speakers. She could be the chair of the Gays for Straights Club. I would go back to high school for that.
7) English class. Required reading will be 'Rubyfruit Jungle' and 'The Heidi Chronicles.' Required term paper topics will be 'How to Best Come Out to Parents and Friends' and 'Spreading the Word of Tolerance.'
6) Vocal music department/band. These will be the best dressed, choreographed show choirs and marching bands. The drum majors will make RuPaul look straight.
5) Jobs. Teachers will actually be able to be out. It'll be the first time the teachers will be able to get a job based on the fact that they are gay.
4) Fashion. The nation will be watching this school for gay fashion trends. Lesbians will be free to dress any way they want and have it be cool.
3) Theatre. We're all there in some capacity or another anyhow. Imagine the support for doing 'Angels in America' or subverting some standard musicals as all-female or all-male. Guest directors can be chosen from the plethora of openly gay directors locally.
2) Prom. This prom will have the best theme, decorations, food, and music. Boys with boys, girls with girls. Heaven on earth. Other schools will be begging for them back. I'd love to chaperone.
1) Slumber parties. You won't have to guess who to sleep next to or pretend the half-naked pillow fights are embarrassing.
Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago and can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com .