It's hot and not too wet outside. I'm hot and wet on the inside. I'm also staying indoors and enjoying some much needed rest and cartoon watching. I got to thinking about all of the lesbian and gay characters on television that we grew up with, from our most obvious Bert and Ernie to Peppermint Patty and Marcie. Then I got to thinking with the help of Robin and my dear friend, Allison, about all of the other lesbian and gay characters. Or maybe they're just in my imagination. Or maybe, this was the way for those of our lesbian and gay friends to write about us inconspicuously. So Strap This On for the hopes of wetness of all kinds coming our way:
My Top Ten Characters I Think are 'Secretly' Lesbian or Gay
10 ) Yogi and Boo-Boo. Boo-Boo bear is the ultimate whipping boy. Notice how he runs every time Yogi says, 'Hey, Boo-Boo'. Seems like he comes running as quickly as the 'Boy Wonder' Robin does to Batman.
9 ) Velma and Daphne. I know it's obvious the way that Velma hides behind those glasses and seems to want to be Freddie's best friend. That way she's always close to Daphne. I have a mystery for you.
8 ) The Smurfs. OK. There's a Papa Smurf with the beard that everyone comes to for whatever they need and only one girl, Smurfette. She's the original fag hag. It's kind of like Peter Pan and the Lost Boys always wanting a mother in Wendy. She's just supposed to clean up after the circuit parties
7 ) Wilma and Betty from the Flintstones. While Fred and Barney are out bowling, the ladies are definitely home taking care of each other.
6 ) Cheer Bear. It's a pink bear with a rainbow on his stomach. He's the equivalent of the gay man running down the street during pride with a rainbow bandana and thong bringing cheer to the multitudes.
5 ) Garfield and Odie. Obviously this is the dysfunctional abusive relationship. Poor Odie just follows Garfield around lovingly just wanting to lick him all the time. Garfield spends his days trying to kick Odie down. And for those of you who've been reading Garfield for years, his own John, used to have a male 'roommate.'
4 ) Josie and the Pussycats. Not to be confused with Jem and Holograms or Alvin and the Chipmunks. It's an all girl singing group in leopard print outfits. This is a dream come true. And from the same people that brought us Betty and Veronica in Archie Comics. Just call me a groupie..
3 ) Pooh and Piglet. I know, I know. Sacreligious. But think about it: Pooh sits around on his butt all day whining about getting some honey. Piglet spends his time coddling him and offering to get him some honey. Owl and Rabbit are their best couple friends. Tigger's the playboy of One Hundred Acre Woods.
2 ) The Wonder Twins from the Superfriends. These two are the best gay brother and sister duo. Form of lube. Shape of a dildo.
1 ) Jane Jetson and Rosie the Robot. Now this is just so convenient. George Jetson is off at work. Mrs. Jetson has had a difficult day shopping and doing some housework. Rosie has her put up her feet and out comes Rosie's arm that's now a vibrator with a variety of attachments. Don't worry, Mr. Jetson, Rosie's taking care of everything.
Lisa Rock can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com . My lovely Robin can be seen at Mary-Arrchie in Sea Marks through August 28. Call ( 773 ) 871-0442 for tickets.