So we lost the election. I now know for certain that what I thought was true along: I am smarter than one out of every two people at minimum. This election was supposedly won on some warped sense of moral values. Well, if they want clear moral values, I say let's give it to them. No more quietly going along trying to fit in and look just like every other straight person. Let's remind everyone that we are here, very queer and not going anywhere. So Strap This On in honor.
The Top Ten Ways to Make Yourself Known
10 ) Come out come out wherever you are... make sure everyone knows you're gay. When someone asks how you are, say, I'm gay, and you?
9 ) Linger with public displays of affection. No more quick hugs or pecks on the cheek. Let's have long, deep kisses, and hugs with some groping.
8 ) Talk openly around parents with children so they have to explain it later to their children.
7 ) When straight friends are talking about their sex lives, discuss yours as well and how women really know how to go down on each other.
6 ) Force the issue with small businesses about being gay-friendly. Walk into a Christian book store and ask if they have any sex toys for sale.
5 ) Make comments about women around straight men about how women enjoyed sex more with you and that size doesn't matter when they can buy what they like. ( Disclaimer: Nightspots is not responsible for any hospital bills incurred for injuries from fights brought on by these suggestions. )
4 ) Openly read porn on the train, plane, bus, etc. If anyone starts staring, just comment about how you read them for the articles.
3 ) Give sex toys as gifts at showers and tell everyone how you and your partner really enjoy them.
2 ) Go to straight bars and dance together.
1 ) Make visiting locker rooms and dressing rooms a spectator sport. Bring popcorn and a drink, sit down and enjoy.
Lisa Rock can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com . I will be in A Christmas Carol at Metropolis Performing Arts Center in Arlington Heights from November 26-December 26. Go to www.metropolisarts.com for show times and tickets.