The 2004 Summer Olympic Games were ruled by the women. We won more medals than the men and showed them how a well-oiled machine succeeds (or was it a well-oiled team?). Anyhow, all of the hard bodies and sunshine got me thinking. But as always, I can think of some ways to add to the fun. So Strap This On for My Summer Olympics:
The Top Ten Women's Events that Should Have Been in the Summer Olympics or How to Change them to Heat Things Up
10) Basketball: for every basket you make, you get to strip something off of the opposing player of your choice. By the end of the game, it'll be played the way the original Athens games were intended...I'll bring the beer.
9) Track and Field: this is rather simple actually, do all of the events naked. I'll volunteer for official suntan applicator.
8) Soccer: just 'cause that ball can hurt, I'd just like to see more celebrating at the end of the games where everyone takes off their shirts and runs around hugging everyone somehow landing in a pile.
7) Diving: for 10 meter platform, who can strip their suit off most gracefully and complete any sort of dive before hitting the water.
6) Gymnastics: first, there has to be a minimum age of 18 (though I'd prefer over 25), then we can have the Who's the Most Flexible and Prove It events.
5) Softball: another great victory for the United States. The only thing I'd change is the camera always panning to the one lone straight man in the stands. Let's see these women's girlfriends and their children screaming for them.
4) Women announcers for the women's sports. This is just my ranting. When Bob Costas said to Misty May, 'I almost didn't recognize you with your clothes on', it sounded sexist and lewd. Coming from a lesbian, it would be a pick-up line (a lie as well, because we would recognize these women clothes or not).
3) Wrestling: oiled up hard-bodied women wrestling in a mud pit. Where was this? This would have made the ratings soar (as well as the heart rates of the lesbians in the stands). I think the gold medal should go to the woman who got the other's phone number the fastest.
2) Beach volleyball: the only thing that could possibly be changed in my opinion is if Misty May and Keri Walsh had not just fallen to the ground hugging at the end of the match, but if they had started making out. True perfection.
1) Save Angelina Jolie Event: have all of the swimmers lined up at one end of the pool, throw Angelina in at the other end, naked and pretending to drown, and see who can 'save' her the fastest.
Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago.