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Strap This On
by lisa rock
2004-03-31

This article shared 1396 times since Wed Mar 31, 2004
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Kindly Strap This On for the legalization of

marriage for everyone:

The Top Ten Reasons Hets are Scared to Let the Homos Get Legally Hitched

10) Planning the

wedding. We can simply spend all of our gay

dollars within our own community i.e. gay

caterers, wedding

planners, florists, etc.

9) Bachelorette parties. Lesbian bars will be

making more money

during these parties and the strippers will be appreciated and treated well. Happy strippers and happy lesbians: that's what America needs.

8) Style. From traditional wedding gowns and

tuxedos to specially made dresses and pant suits, we definitely have our own style. We could create a fashion craze for designers trying to appeal to lesbians.

7) Love. Hand-holding, kissing, remembering anniversaries and birthdays, public displays of affection ... I'd be scared too if I were a straight male. It puts a lot of pressure on them to step up and treat women the way they deserve to be treated.

6) Statistics. We'll simply mess up the numbers for the hets. Relationships that last longer, are more monogamous, less instances of domestic abuse … they're right, we will make an impact on the institution of

marriage. They're just afraid it will be a more positive one.

5) Music. The band or DJ would play music that wouldn't make fools of everyone such as the Chicken Dance. The songs also (hopefully) wouldn't be reminiscent of 80's music about your drunken tumble in the backseat of a car but something meaningful and loving like I'm the Only One by Melissa Etheridge or The Power of Two by the Indigo Girls.

4) Gifts. I think some straight people are afraid to have to go to the

registry at Linens n' Things to pick something out in hers and hers. I'm sure they're more afraid to have to go to the real places you'd register at like Early 2 Bed or Victoria's Secret.

3) Honeymoon. Again, the concept of money comes into play. Kelli O'Donnell said that lesbians and gay men spent over fifty four billion dollars on travel last year. We could use all of our money in our own community on Olivia cruises, R Family Vacations, etc.

2) Raising children. They're afraid their

parenting abilities will be brought into question as we raise healthy, happy and tolerant children where both parents are involved. Plus, the children will never wonder if they were the product of a drunken "accident". They'll know that they were truly planned.

1) Orgasms. Now, I am definitely not suggesting we have better orgasms. We just have them more frequently. And in my

circle of lesbian couples, going down on your partner is not a birthday or anniversary treat!

Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago. You can reach her at StrapThisOn@aol.com .


This article shared 1396 times since Wed Mar 31, 2004
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