As I was picking up Robin from the airport this week, I noticed a couple right in the middle of a crowd greeting one another. It wasn't the typical quick hug and kiss. They were really going at it. I'm just as much a romantic as the next woman, but not publicly. I have always been very private about public displays of affection. Yes, I've done the bump and grind on a dance floor, had it in the bathroom, and parked at the top of parking structures and crawled into the back seat with that special woman, but that's before I actually had a private home. I've always been under the impression that those who talk the most, do the least, and those that show the most are just wanting you to watch. This is what gets them off. So all of you out there who still insist on doing this, get a room or go home.
The Top Ten Most Annoying Public Displays of Affection
10) People in the lake in about three feet of water making out: tongues down each other's throats, legs wrapped around someone's waist, and a three-year-old playing in the sand two feet away.
9) People at the club where I workout. Some young, giggly woman wearing Daisy Duke shorts sat on some old man's lap while he was lifting weights. It's an image I use when I need to conjure up the feeling of wanting to vomit.
8) People that insist on making out at a red light at a busy intersection. Once the light turns green, you honk the horn and they continue making out. Pull over and have at it. I'm on my way home to see my love slave.
7) People at the very public park in the summer lying on top of each other on a blanket, not holding hands or lying next to each other. They're actually on top of each other.
6) People at the movies who maul each other. Sit in the back. Especially when it's a Disney movie.
5) People at the dog beach letting their dogs go at it and enjoying it way too much.
4) Relatives who want to appear comfortable with their own sexuality in front of us. I'm happy to say my parents and grandparents are all still happily (and dysfunctionally) married, but the lingering hand on the ass of the other or the references to their sex lives are unnecessary.
3) People at the local county fair (or amusement park) with their arms around each other's waists the entire day. These are the same people who also put their hands in each other's back pockets and have matching combs from the 1980s.
2) People in the bathroom anywhere. Please at least go in the stall.
1) Straights at gay bars going at it like they're coming out. I love my straight friends, but people that use our bars to bump and grind with people of the same sex for a show are at the top of my list.
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