Duct tape and plastic wrap. That's the suggestion from the non-elected, so-called leader of the free world for heterosexuals here in the good old United States of America. Duct tape and plastic wrap. Stock up on it. Close off one room. It'll protect you from nuclear fallout and chemical or biological attacks. That's what the man who's also quoted as saying during the election, 'it's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another.' Well, I am decided in that I know anything he's telling me to do, I want to the do the opposite just to be safe. Here's what I think you should do with the duct tape and plastic wrap. So Strap This On:
The Top Ten Ways To Use Your Duct Tape And Plastic Wrap To Make Your World More Enjoyable
10) Use the duct tape for hair removal. The plastic wrap can warm things up before you pull.
9) Create your own harness for your dildo. This will definitely be a close fit.
8) If you're in need of shedding a few pounds, wrap yourself in the plastic and secure with duct tape. This should sweat out a few pounds. Careful where you put the tape. This could be a hair-removal system gone bad.
7) Create your own handcuffs and bondage devices. Imagine the swing you could create and have right in your very own bedroom over the bed. Or the homemade dental dams. You won't need to bleach your upper lip anymore.
6) Use it to cover your windows or doors to muffle your sounds when having wild sex or to keep the noise from your neighbors out.
5) Cover the opening to the litter box. Just for a little while. Just to see their faces. You will be punished for it later.
4) If you've had a fight with your love slave or just need to keep her in line, wrap and tape her feet together while she's sleeping. Make sure to have the scissors near by to cut the tape quickly for that makeup sex.
3) Wrap your beer or drink to your hand and tape it tightly. This will prevent the wasting of a good drink in case you're too drunk to hold it up.
2) Play the mummy game: get naked, wrap each other in plastic wrap and duct tape, leave a breathing hole, and see how quickly you can unwrap each other.
1) Go to your local Republican official's office or armed forces' recruiting office and ask to use the bathroom. Then you can wrap the toilet for a nice surprise for them later. Don't ask, I won't tell.
E-mail comments or other suggestions for the duct tape and plastic to StrapThisOn@aol.com