Spring is the time for renewal. The days will be getting longer, the air warmer, flowers blooming and, of course, there's always Spring Break.
This is a great time for getting that needed rest and relaxation as we gear up for an active (and long) summer. It always makes me feel hopeful. Hopeful that the time at work will go by quickly, hopeful that the time will go slowly after work, hopeful I'll win the lottery, hopeful the non-elected, red-necked, supposed recovered alcoholic/drug addict-C-minus grade point average with an ax to grind for his daddy's lack of finishing what he started, failed businessman's time in office will end soon. These are some things I'm very hopeful about this Spring.
So Strap this on for Spring 2003:
The Ten Top Things
I am Hoping for This Spring
10) A vibrator that doesn't lose its vibration after a few uses. A longer lasting battery would be nice, too.
9) An open invitation to casual Fridays at the Playboy mansion. This gives an entirely new meaning to business casual.
8) A TV series made from the movie Real Women Have Curves. I would also love to just see every series add real women with real bodies plus some more realistic lesbian characters.
7) An all-female nude beach. I'll be sitting in the lifeguard chair.
6) An all-female naked volleyball tournament where I am the judge. This will be held at the new all-female nude beach during a very hot and sweaty summer day. I'll bring the sunscreen.
5) An all-female health club. Applications are being accepted for towel girls.
4) A reality TV show where lesbians spend their days competing in various sporting tournaments such as skinny skiing, naked bowling, naked softball (with knee and elbow pads though) etc. Big screen TVs are on sale now at Best Buy.
3) A women-owned-and-run cleaning service. They clean your home in only an apron and high heels. I just spilled some juice on the rug.
2) A female-only trip on the Hooters' plane. The women would not just be dressed in the typical orange shorts and white T-shirt. They'd also be dressed as a softball player, a construction worker, a French maid, a Catholic schoolgirl, etc. I think a 20-hour trip abroad is calling me.
1) A 'Girls Gone Wild' party at my home. I'll provide the chips and salsa and shower for the wet T-shirt contest.
Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago and can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com .
Robin and I will be performing in To Kill a Mockingbird at Metropolis Theatre in Arlington Heights April 3-May 4. Call (847) 577-2121 for tickets.