In the midst of all of the nonstop war coverage, I actually found some humor. After taking a break from an afternoon of my own private Nicole Kidman movie marathon, I happened to turn on the television to FOX news, or as I like to call it, the George W. Bush reelection campaign headquarters.
A reporter was showing a scene from Iraq. It was broad daylight. There was a tank in the left-hand side of the screen and some sort of sand pile in the distance about 20 yards on the right-hand side. The commentator was babbling on about something to do with the U.S. position in the war. Just then, a U.S. soldier walked from behind the tank and crossed to the sand pile. He then proceeded to drop his pants and sit down on the 'sand pile' which was obvious to me then that it was a makeshift toilet. They cut away quickly and said nothing. Good for that soldier. Moon the world.
So Strap This On for some alternative ways to protest:
The Top Ten Alternative Ways to Protest for Lesbians and Gay Men
10) Pass out Clinton masks and have a parade.
9) Use the technique of blasting music 24 hours a day. Remember the point is to make it annoying enough that they'll stop what they're doing and listen to your demands. Play 'I Kissed a Girl' in Washington, D.C., outside the White House and nonstop show tunes in Iraq. This could backfire for any of the soldiers hiding from the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy.
8) Stop making girl-on-girl porn.
7) Have our own personal chemical warfare by dropping a cloud of marijuana smoke over Iraq with attached munchies. This should mellow everyone out enough to forget why they're fighting in the first place.
6) Have a group of lesbians spell out GO BUSCH (beer) with their naked bodies.
5) Take over the network and cable stations. On the cable stations, only let Lifetime movies, Oprah, Oxygen, and chick flicks be shown. On network stations, show marathon reruns of The Golden Girls, Ellen and Will & Grace.
4) Hold a naked marathon for lesbians and gays and paint 'No War' on their asses.
3) Have all lesbians and gay men take off work for a week at the same time. Fashion and the arts may suffer for the week as well as organic food not making it to the co-op.
2) Have your own personal sit-in but re-title it a sit-on and the rest is up to you. Make love, not war.
1) Instead of a Lysistrata Project situation (a play where the women refused to have sex with their husbands until they stopped the war), have the Republican wives threaten to have sex with their spouses. This way their husbands will be unhappy because they'll be too tired to sleep with their mistresses.
Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago and can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com . Robin and Lisa will be performing in To Kill a Mockingbird at Metropolis Theatre in Arlington Heights April 3-May 4. Call (847) 577-2121.
