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  NIGHTSPOTS

Strap This On
by lisa rock
2003-04-30

This article shared 1507 times since Wed Apr 30, 2003
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I'm sure that by the time this goes to press a Republican will have made another ignorant comment about those of us that oppose the war in Iraq. I'm especially getting irritated at all of the flack that they're giving celebrities that choose to speak their minds. Go Susan and Tim, Natalie, Michael and Martin. Thank the goddess for free speech. It seems like it's the end of free speech while we're in the midst of war though. It seems like we're required to stand behind the ideals of Bush Jr.'s dictatorial regime and his group of Republican thugs or shut up.

Instead of spending the entire article beating the soon-to-be-dead donkey in this case, I thought I'd add my sense of humor to this otherwise horrible state of the world. In case you're wondering, I'm for the troops. I'm for freedom. I'm for peace. I'm for democracy. I'm especially for my democratic right to freely choose whom I spend my time making love and peace with and my right to talk and write about it as often as I like. So Strap This On:

The Top Ten Freedoms I'm Thankful for as a Lesbian in the United States of America

10) My right to freedom of the press in that I can put an ad in a newspaper such as lesbian seeking other lesbians for lingerie parties, wet t-shirt contests, and group sex.

9) My right to call 1-900-lick-me2 a hundred times a day.

8) My right to rent, watch, or make lesbian porn.

7) My right to attend a Republican fundraiser for Bush Jr. and make out with my scantily clad lesbian lover.

6) My right to go to a lesbian bar and watch other lesbians in go-go cages dance for me. My right to a lap dance, strip tease, etc.

5) My right to open an all-women theatre company just so I can kiss all of the girls at auditions.

4) My right to rewrite The Lysistrata Project where the men not only don't get sex from the women, the women vow to just give up men all together and have sex with each other. No men allowed.

3) My right to have a ceremony with my lovely partner while dancing naked under the full moon on the eve of Lughnasa or any other pagan ritual if I choose.

2) My right to buy and use any sex toys I please. If I want to buy the 10-inch black strap-on with a harness and riding crop, I can. That's America.

1) My right to say that only a lesbian could truly run this country not some backwards Texas daddy's boy, former (supposedly) drug taking, alcoholic, lame excuse of a man who can't even find the diploma that was given to him let alone the weapons of mass destruction that he says started this non-war. I hear there's still genocide going on in Somalia. Maybe we could go there next. Oh, I forgot. They don't have oil.

Lisa Rock is a syndicated columnist based in Chicago and can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com .

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This article shared 1507 times since Wed Apr 30, 2003
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