Gareth Thomas, a muscled sportsman in the ultimate macho sport, was admittedly nervous before coming out this past December.
He had the normal and natural personal issues to consider of family and close friends. He also had teammates, coaches, opponents, fans and his worldwide appeal as one of the greatest rugby players ever.
"Right before coming out, I was really nervous," he said. "Sports—rugby, in particular—have been my life. I can never imagine living without sports or rugby. It's in my blood to play rugby. But I really was nervous for the reaction that I was going to get."
Especially since he made the meticulously-planned announcement in the morning, and then that afternoon joined his Cardiff Blues teammates for a match against Toulouse—which was a team he previously played for, and a hostile place for opponents.
"I thought the reception I'd get [ before ] that game might be a bit frosty, but actually, when my name was announced, and then when I took the field, it probably was the loudest cheer of the day—and that totally blew me away," Thomas said. "Ever since then, all I've heard is cheers. I think people appreciate what I've done and they appreciate the taboo that I've broken, and the guts and courage it took to do it.
"I knew that my teammates would create a safe environment for me. They make me want to train everyday and then play on the weekends. I think they have helped re-light my passion for rugby."
Thomas, 35, is a Welsh rugby player—but certainly not just any rugby player.
"Gareth is the ninth all-time leader in totals tries, the equivalent of a touchdown in American football," said Paul Cannella, one of the top players for the predominantly gay Chicago Dragons rugby club. "Think about the level of scoring in terms of American football and the top ten running backs of all time [ in the National Football League ] . Gareth would be mentioned alongside Jerome Bettis, Marshall Faulk, O.J. Simpson and Eric Dickerson. He's an all time great."
And here's the big catch: Thomas is still active.
Thomas has done what no athlete has done in the NFL, the National Baseball Association ( NBA ) , the National Hockey League ( NHL ) , Major League Baseball ( MLB ) or Major League Soccer ( MLS ) : reveal that he is gay while still playing.
"I think it's really cool to have a player of his caliber not only come out, but continue to play," Cannella said. " [ Rugby ] is one heck of a tough sport to play and a lot of nasty things can happen down in the trenches. My guess is that he has paid his dues, [ so ] his team will embrace him and rivals will as well. He is an admirable leader both on the pitch and off."
Thomas played for the Wales National Team during 1995-2007, and set history when he became the first Welshman to win 100 international caps in rugby union. He also has had stints with the British and Irish National Teams.
"I obviously opened up a different side of me to the person who everyone thought they knew," Thomas said. "All of a sudden, people are very interested in this other side of me.
"The greatest thing is, as far as my career goes, nothing has changed. Everyone around me knows that, when I go to work and perform my job, I am the same guy that I always have been—and I appreciate that. Just because I came out as gay does not make me any softer.
"Being in the environment of sports, I thought I might have to fear [ for myself ] after coming out. But actually, it's the complete opposite."
A month after coming out, Thomas has not had any negative reaction, although he braced for the worst.
"I've always been the person to stand up and say, 'This is how it is, like it or lump it,' whether it be in sports or life in general," Thomas said. "So, I wasn't really fearful [ about coming out ] ; I thought I was making a stand and I felt that the time was right. I believe that everyone has the right to be whoever they want to be.
"And the reaction has been amazing.
"I thought what could be the worst case possible, but the reaction has been good. I've gotten an amazing amount of support from my teammates, from my coaches, from my family, from friends, from complete strangers. So many people have said how much my story has helped them. To hear my story, to hear what I dealt with, they could relate, and I was fortunate enough to help them."
Thomas' worldwide impact extends well beyond the pitch where he's made his biggest impact to date.
Thomas is a role model. He was before coming out, and arguably a bigger one now. It's a role he cherishes.
"I take being a role model very serious. I know, as a role model, that you have to very carefully watch what you say and do," Thomas said.
"It's such a powerful story because of my [ on the field ] achievements, but, the reality is, I'm lucky to be at the very top of my game. I know there are many people, at lower levels of this sport and in other sports, who are struggling with this same issue. Coming out has almost been easier because of my success, yet I thought it would make it a lot more difficult.
"Let me put it in this perspective … if I was just a local baseball player, playing in the park with some mates, coming out may have been a lot tougher.
"The heights I've accomplished in rugby have helped soften the blow."
The impact of Thomas coming out immediately spread to media outlets worldwide. In fact, Sports Illustrated is sending a reporter overseas for a week with Thomas.
Thomas' fan mail certainly has picked up since coming out and the letters are coming from all over the world, he said.
"I told my story because I wanted to help people, especially youngsters in the U.K. But this story has quickly become a lot bigger than [ just about ] me, a lot bigger than the game of rugby," he said.
"I am right now the happiest I've ever been, and this is something that I've always wanted for my life. I can finally be at peace with myself. Whenever I had issues in the past, be it injury- or money-related, it was always quadrupled by the fact that I was hiding this secret.
"But I am now who I want to be."
Thomas was married to his childhood sweetheart, Jemma, from 2002-2006. The couple married in St Brides Major, and filed for divorce in 2007.
Those four years were "difficult," he said.
"I loved my wife and I took my vows very seriously," Thomas said. "To cheat on my wife … to be unfaithful to my wife made a lot of demons in my heart; it made me into a person who I didn't like when I looked in the mirror. I was happy with my wife and I intended to spend the rest of my life with her, but that wasn't to be. I think we're both in a happier place now. As much as I was struggling to deal with my demons, she was as well. I know it was tough on her.
"I knew I had to stop lying to her. I also had to stop lying to myself."
Thomas, while married, cheated on his wife with men, "very, very, very few" times, he said.
"Rugby took my mind off what I was thinking, these thought that I didn't want to have," Thomas said. "Being in a combat sport, I was able to take out a lot of anger and frustration, including sexual frustration."
Thomas admits that, while in London, he could blend in with the crowds and would go to gay clubs. "I regret that to this day," he said.
Thomas is now single, yet not actively looking for Mr. Right.
"I've gone through so much [ that ] I feel I need to deal with this myself," he said. "It might not be right to bring someone into my life at this stage, at least until I'm more settled."
But, he added, "I want to find a man [ who ] makes me as happy as I was with my wife."
So who is Mr. Right?
"Wow," he said, laughing. "My interests are sports and working with children, so [ if ] it would be someone with the same interests, that would be great. Someone who is as passionate as I am."
A local take
on Gareth Thomas
By Ross Forman
Gareth Thomas plays for the Cardiff Blues rugby club, which is like being a member of such prestigious, world-renowned teams as the New York Yankees, Pittsburgh Steelers, Los Angeles Laker, or even the Chicago Cubs.
Thomas is the team's star.
And gay, Thomas announced in December.
"I'm sure he's going to get called names and someone is going to take a cheap shot [ at him, eventually ] , but overall, it won't be a big deal and he'll have 14 teammates ready to back him up," said Paul Cannella, the former president of the predominantly-gay Chicago Dragons rugby club. "In the last five years of playing in CARFU ( Chicago Area Rugby Football Union ) , there have been less than five incidents that I would say were associated to the fact that a majority of [ the Dragons' ] players are gay. The odd or funny thing is, three or four of the times a name was called, or punch tossed, our player involved was straight.
"Overall, CARFU is a phenomenal and accepting organization. Couple that with the baseline that all ruggers respect other ruggers for having the heart, guts, body and mindset to step out onto that pitch to play the greatest game in the world."
Cannella added: "I'm really glad to see leaders like Gareth coming out. It will only make it easier for others to do [ so ] , regardless of whether they are [ an ] athlete or not, in their youth or later in life. It's just a matter of time until we [ see ] the first big outing in the U.S. for an active professional player. Several will follow and, within five years after the first, there will be at least one in every major sport. Be strong and be who you are, so you can live your life to the fullest."
